Changing your relationship with yourself

Today, we are discussing one of the number one things we hear from women all the time: I want to heal my relationship with food.

Up until recently, I believed that we have relationships with food. We even wrote about it at some point. To summarize, I said that since we interacted with food daily, which meant we were in a relationship with it, and wanted it to be HEALTHY and not toxic. We also said that if we FELT like our relationship with certain foods was TOXIC, we might benefit by implementing boundaries, so WE can heal inside. 

So while MUCH of what I say I still stand by, I no longer think we have a RELATIONSHIP with food simply because we interact with it. Many of us have TREATED it like a relationship, but it doesn’t necessarily deserve that status.

First of all, what IS a relationship?

Straight from the dictionary…It is a connection or association between two or more people that share interactions, experiences, and often have emotional bonds. For example, parents and children, spouses, siblings, and friends have relationships. Relationships can vary in depth, length, and health, and in the impact they have on your life.

If you notice, it doesn’t quite seem like food belongs in that category. It’s a slippery slope to add THINGS to that list. Things we may interact with often but can’t truly build a relationship with. Having memories with THINGS doesn’t inherently make it something we have a relationship with.

Instead of working to “heal our relationship” with an inanimate thing, we would be MUCH better off focusing on the INTRApersonal relationship we have with OURSELVES. Because if we are considering food something that we SHARE interactions and emotional connections to, this is something stemming from inside. It is not healthy to rely on inanimate objects to “share” your life with. When YOU have a healthy outlook on yourself and life, YOU can choose what and how you interact with THINGS, and that includes food. 

You and food cannot enter the therapist’s office together. This is an inside job. It’s about understanding that YOU need healing, and that you may need some space from the thing while you do it so that you can focus and work on YOURSELF without the distraction of the thing that is giving you so much grief. 

When people say they have a poor relationship with food, they usually mean one of these things is going on: 

• Obsessive thoughts about food or eating
• Using food to cope with emotions
• Feeling guilt or shame around eating 

Really and truly, just having a hard time letting food just be food. The thing that we fuel our bodies with. And this is a terrible place to be. I know because I have been there. I even went to therapy in high school for it and was told that I needed to “heal my relationship with food,” which to them meant that I needed to eat all “foods” without guilt. But when they said this, they meant things like donuts and cakes. Nobody was trying to get me to eat steak and eggs. They wanted me to heal my relationship with the SAME THINGS that were PART of my unhealthy cycle.

Sadly, in many cases, it isn’t about restoring the person back to health — mind, body, and spirit. “Healing” in this context means eating anything without feeling guilty. The focus is on the person healing their relationship with that thing over there — the donut, the fries — and NOT about healing the relationship with themself.

How to build a better relationship with yourself

There are 7 parts to building a better relationship with yourself, and they all lead to the same thing: Living an empowered life, where you recognize that you have autonomy over the beliefs that you hold, the thoughts you engage with, and how you INTERACT with the people (relationships) and THINGS around you (food).

Self-awareness: This has to happen FIRST. I would guestimate that MOST of the people walking around this world are NOT self-aware, and that is a shame, because you can NEVER grow and change if you aren’t. If you are in Metabolism Mastery, you have access to that 16 video course that takes you through that entire journey.

Being aware of your thoughts, emotions, values, and behaviors. Understanding that just because you HAVE those things doesn’t make them true. Learning to challenge the ones that don’t serve you. 

Being able to acknowledge that you have personal strengths AS WELL AS weaknesses. You can SEE YOURSELF CLEARLY and non-judgmentally. Looking for weaknesses is not about JUDGING and BEATING YOURSELF UP, but because you are interested in GROWTH. You want to USE your strengths to build on your weaknesses. You know that is how we get better, by building skills and taking action. NOT by blaming other people or things. NOT by making excuses or justifying why we are doing what we are doing. It doesn’t even matter…we need to move FORWARD with action. 

Self-reflection: Being able to sit back and examine your thoughts, feelings, and actions is called personal growth. We should ALWAYS be doing it. Jenny in 5 years should be a better version of the Jenny now. You cannot self-reflect if you are UNWILLING to begin with #1 self-awareness.

Self-concept: The overall idea one has about who you are. At the end of the self-awareness journey in Metabolism Mastery, you are encouraged to write a mission statement about yourself. 

• What do you believe about yourself?
• How do you see the role you play in your life? 
• What is your purpose that drives you to get out of bed every day?
• What do you have a passion for?

Do you believe that you are who you are, or that people can grow, change and evolve? Are you someone who identifies with their mistakes? AKA, do you think I am a failure!!!, or do you think whoops, that thing that I just tried is the failed thing?

Self-esteem: The value we place on ourselves. To me, THIS is where the healing REALLY happens. Once you see that YOU are the treasure worth healing versus the crappy food everyone is trying to protect….THAT is when things begin to shift. 

My body is unbelievable. It has worked SO incredibly hard to protect me from the decisions that I have made my whole life…that affected it (we can’t get HERE without self-awareness). This body of mine is an absolute GIFT and TREASURE…it is the only one that I will ever have. It is WORTH me stepping up to the plate and nurturing the shiz out of it. 

Our bodies are VALUABLE AF. They deserve to be taken care of. And now I know that I am the one who GETS to do it. Here we go TEAM MIND and BODY. 

Self-talk: Our internal dialogue or narrative — start paying attention to it. Write it down when you HEAR it. So much of our internal thoughts about food and our bodies were programmed in when we were VERY young by the people closest to us, some of whom MIGHT not have had the healthiest relationship with themselves. The way they taught you to interact with food, and then talk about YOUR body afterward, is programmed in there. And if it is negative, the good news is that brains are SUPER plastic and can be re-programmed. We are adults now, and it is our job to take back our control. It is our responsibility. It is our honor, really and truly, because a BETTER life waits on the other side. 

When we become self-aware and start seeing ourselves as a human being who makes mistakes…we can see the people that helped shape our self-talk are also very flawed in this area. We can then release them of the control, and take our life back. Work to reprogram how we think. Shift from anger and hatred into a space of empathy…and then gratitude that YOU can know different…that YOU can change things for yourself.

Self-Respect: You show YOURSELF the same exact respect that you show everyone else. 

You accept yourself and realize you have self-worth, so you take CARE of yourself. This looks like treating yourself with the same respect you show others. You set boundaries when you need them, and you hold those boundaries. You SHOW yourself that you LOVE yourself through ACTION. Everything else above is a concept….but if you are going to show yourself respect, it means putting your actions where your words are.

You take personal responsibility to love and care for yourself, so you make decisions based on what is best for you, based on what you REALLY NEED versus what you may DESIRE. 

Your body is your temple, and you respect it through your ACTIONS. 

You have personal integrity to do what you SAY you are going to do to build TRUST and CONFIDENCE over time, the same way you do with a spouse or friend.

Emotional Intelligence: Your ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions. 

You can SELF-regulate, versus turning to food, alcohol, shopping, etc. to help you regulate your emotions. You can NAME the emotion you are feeling and allow yourself to sit in it while you do some detective work.

Instead of reacting impulsively, you can process your emotion and understand its root. Only THEN you decide whether you need to act.

Personal Values and Beliefs: These are your core principles that guide the decisions you make on how you behave. These are your universal truths on how you see the world. We have MANY of them. Some serve you and some really and truly just don’t. The key is to actually KNOW what yours are. This comes from consistently QUESTIONING your line of thinking: WHY do you do the things that you do? Why do you NOT do some things? 

We do things because we believe that they offer us VALUE. Question it. Do these things that you keep doing TRULY offer you value? Should we be placing SO much value on that thing? Or should we allow ourselves to re-evaluate and restructure our value system? 

For example: You keep eating something because you LIKE it, even though it is sabotaging your goals. In this case, you are placing more VALUE on flavor than you are on reaching your goals. Ask yourself why? Why do we value FLAVOR over what is really good for us?

When I went through THIS journey myself, certain things would send me into unhealthy behaviors. I took them out of my life, even though I could have made the argument they were healthy foods. For example, peanut butter. I didn’t have it in my house for 2 years, because I would over-exercise and undereat on my meals, the real nutrients. So I had to get it out to help myself. And it worked. Now, it can be in my house. I have a GREAT relationship with myself and now I can have peanut butter — or not. It depends on if I need it for my energy requirements for the day. Nothing was inherently wrong with the peanut butter, but I personally needed the space to heal my own self.

Your relationship with food is a reflection of your inner workings

At the end of the day, your “relationship” with food is really a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Food is an inanimate object—it doesn’t hold power over you. The power lies within your beliefs, thoughts, and habits. By focusing on healing yourself—your self-awareness, self-respect, and emotional intelligence—you can shift the way you view and interact with food.

Instead of trying to “fix” your connection to food, work on building a stronger, healthier relationship with yourself. Reflect on your values, challenge beliefs that no longer serve you, and take intentional actions that align with your goals. This is where true growth happens.

When you heal your inner self, food becomes exactly what it was meant to be: fuel to nourish your body, not a source of guilt or shame. The journey starts with you, and every step you take leads to a more empowered, fulfilling life.

Learn more about how to take the driver’s seat of your life. Become a MYLF now.