I recently spent a few nights at the hospital with London. I cannot describe how tired I felt. BUT I’ll take tired ANY day — we have SO much to be grateful for. We were SO BLESSED for so many reasons, one of which was that we had the BEST nurses. I promise you, children’s nurses are just a special breed of people.
We had one particularly precious nurse that I got to know pretty well while we were there. We had a lot of great conversations. On our first night, when we got into our room, the nurse asked London if she would like some juice. London responded, “Well, at school today, I had a cupcake and some other junk, so I just want water now.”
First of all, I was thinking, London… girl… just say water without all the extra commentary! You don’t have to explain yourself! But the nurse looked at me and said, “That was really impressive!!”
Feeling a little nervous, I overshared (as I do) and said, “We just try to think of our day as a whole. Some junk is fine because our bodies can handle a LITTLE bit of it, but our bodies feel the best when they have MOSTLY healthy foods in them.”
The nurse smiled and said, “Wow… I am going to LOVE y’all.”
Later, she noticed the MYLF shirt I was wearing and asked what it meant. Of course, I told her about what I do, and as always happens when I share, people start opening up to me about their weight loss struggles. She did the same.
The nurse explained that whenever she tries to lose weight, she does great for the first two weeks. But then she falls off because nobody else around her is doing it. The other nurses eat “all the things.” Her husband eats “all the things.” Her kids eat “all the things.” It makes it feel nearly impossible to stay on track when surrounded by that environment.
I told her I understood and left it at that. She was taking EXCELLENT care of my baby, and I don’t give unsolicited advice to someone holding my child’s health in their hands. Plus, she might not have liked my answer. But YOU, my friend, are getting my real response today.
What she was really describing: Food FOMO
The thing she described—and what I’ve heard SO many clients describe over the years—is basically FOMO. Specifically, Food FOMO.
The FEAR OF MISSING OUT… on FOOD.
This is a very real thing for so many people and is one of the biggest reasons it’s so hard to stick with eating differently from the majority of people today. It’s not the OTHER PEOPLE. Or even THE FOOD. It’s the FOMO that YOU feel toward the food.
FOMO is a DESIRE for something. It’s a FEELING or PERCEPTION that other people are having fun, experiencing something amazing, or living a better life than you — because of the food they’re eating. You think, They have the thing that I want. If I had it, I wouldn’t feel so bad.
Let me be clear: The problem isn’t the other people or the food. The problem is the STORY you’ve created in your mind — that you NEED this thing and that without it, you’re missing something real or meaningful.
The FOMO spiral
Imagine this: You’re two weeks into your “plan,” rocking and rolling, and then you find yourself at a restaurant with friends or family. Everyone around you is eating the foods YOU want to enjoy. The foods you miss. The foods you SHOULD be able to have — but you “can’t” because your coach won’t “let you.”
Or maybe you’re not blaming anyone, not even your coach. Maybe you understand why you shouldn’t eat it, but it still feels unfair. You look around and think, They’re all living their best lives, eating that amazing thing I want, and I’m stuck eating THIS.
This doesn’t leave you feeling good. It doesn’t give you a positive mood or outlook. Why? Because MISSING OUT feels bad, right?
One thought spirals into another:
- I can’t have that right now.
- I can’t EVER have that again in my whole life.
- I can’t do this FOREVER.
The foods your family is eating start to feel SCARCE, and you panic. Anything rooted in scarcity leads to OVER-DESIRE, which then creates cravings or emotional responses. The more you focus on it, the more you WANT it, and the worse you feel about not having it.
Suddenly, what should’ve been a fun time out with family or friends isn’t fun anymore. Well, THEY are having fun. They are ALLOWED to have that thing that I want, that I CAN’T. Everyone here is having this thing. They are all obviously enjoying it. I am NOT having that thing, which means that I am not as well off as them. Somehow my needs are not being met. Somehow I am not okay.
Overemphasizing Food
When you get stuck in this cycle, your brain is overemphasizing the importance of food in these moments. Whatever it is that you’re avoiding, you’re not going to starve without it. It’s not life or death. Your needs are NOT going unmet because you didn’t eat something that tastes a certain way.
In fact, the needs of your friends or family aren’t being met just because they’re eating that thing, either. They’re simply fueling their bodies differently than you are.
Maybe they have different goals than you. Or they’re not trying to lose body fat. Maybe their bodies have different calorie needs. It’s not unfair — it just IS.
Your needs can be met in other ways that are arguably WAY more supportive of your body than that thing would be for you. The brain is simply confused by its focus on DESIRE and IMMEDIATE reward…and what it is USED to having. But what you are USED to having has led us here, and we are trying to get somewhere different.
How FOMO Feeds Cravings
FOMO leaves us saying, I want it, and I want it bad, driving cravings through the roof. This creates a strong URGE to follow through and eat the thing. You might even start negotiating with yourself:
- It won’t matter if I eat it.
- I’ll do better tomorrow.
- It’s not a big deal. Everyone else is having it.
Or maybe you respond with self-pity:
- Poor me. It’s not fair. Nobody should have to live like this.
- This is so hard. I’m probably never going to be able to do this anyway, so I might as well eat it.
This often ends with eating the thing, which is fine. But your body will react and respond as it does — and how will you feel about THAT?
Let’s use a real-life example to learn to navigate these FOMO moments.
You’re at a baby shower. There’s a table with lots of food. Some of it is unappealing, like slimy baby carrots and grocery store dip. But then you see it — a plate of gorgeous brownies. Everyone is walking around with one, looking like they’re enjoying it SO much. Then your friend walks by and says, “Have you had one of these? Totally worth it.”
Now it’s got your attention.
Step 1: Ask yourself, “Do I even like this?”
The VERY first thing you need to ask yourself is this: Is this something I actually, really like? Just because OTHER people say they like it doesn’t mean you will. Maybe you think, If I’m going to eat a brownie, it’s going to be one my grandmother makes — not this store-bought one.
Be real with yourself. Maybe you don’t even like this brownie, and it’s not worth it. If that’s the case, move on. Don’t just grab it because it’s right there — that is NOT enough to make your decision.
Step 2: Reframe scarcity
But what if it IS the perfect brownie — the one you DO love so much? Well, now we have to start looking at what we’ve been telling ourselves about food like this. If you’ve been trying to lose weight and approaching yourself with the narrative of, “I can’t have that,” or, “I shouldn’t have that,” or, “I’m not allowed to have that,” then a scarcity mindset starts to creep in. And that scarcity mindset should NEVER happen because it’s not even true.
You are allowed to eat whatever you want. As an adult in this world, you can purchase, make, or acquire any food that you want. You won’t go to jail. It’s OK. You can do that. That is your CHOICE as an adult.
But when we tell ourselves the untruth that we CAN’T have it or are not ALLOWED to have it, we fuel that over-desire and fixation. It makes our brains confused and think, “Wait, if everyone else is having it, and I can’t/shouldn’t/am not allowed to, then they’re all going to get their needs met, but I won’t. I’m missing out.”
That’s when the fixation begins: “Everyone’s eating it. I want it so bad.” And you find yourself eating it without even realizing how you created the situation. Then, we give credit to the food for “making us” eat it. But, of course, the food didn’t do anything. It just sat there, an inert object. What happened was that our brains fixated on it and created stories that weren’t even true.
This baby shower is NOT your last chance to ever have a brownie. You CAN have that brownie right now. Nobody is going to stop you. There’s no imaginary rule about this. You are free to eat a brownie — or all the brownies. You are also free to not participate at this time. The choice is always YOURS.
It’s helpful to remind yourself:
You can have it again any time you want to. There are literally millions of amazing things to eat in this world. This is just one of them. If I don’t get the chance to have this, that’s okay because there are so many other great things to eat. Even if I don’t get to have it at all, it’s okay. Because I eat food that tastes good to me. I take excellent care of myself.
Step 3: Focus on what you’re really missing
There’s no need to resist and fight this so hard because resisting creates over-desire and urge. You can just let the thing be. You can just let others participate and know that this thing isn’t all that special. There are better things out there.
The way that you MISS OUT on something is the way you THINK about it. If you don’t WANT it, you aren’t missing out. You only have a problem with missing out if your brain is thinking about it a certain way.
You can still go to a party where food and possibly alcohol exist and still take excellent care of yourself—and it just not be that big of a deal. What other people are eating doesn’t even factor into what’s going on for you. People can tell you a food is amazing, and you can check in with yourself: “Is this what I want?”
This trick only works if your desire is in check. Learning to reduce your desire is SUCH an important part of the weight loss process—and the ability to keep it off. Not to DESIRE immediate gratification. Learning how to knock those things off of the pedestal so we can see them as they are—not something to desire and obsess over. It’s literally JUST food.
When you feel the FOMO, ask yourself:
- Am I really missing out on flavor?
- Can entertainment or fun come from something other than food?
- Am I missing connection or celebration — or can I experience those without this food?
Final Thoughts
The way you MISS OUT on something is the way you THINK about it. If you don’t WANT it, you’re not missing out.
Learning to knock foods off their pedestal — to see them as they are, rather than something to obsess over—is a critical part of weight loss and maintaining it. It’s literally JUST food.
So the next time you feel Food FOMO, check in with yourself. Focus on YOUR goals and values, and remember: You’re in control.
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