The problem with willpower

We have all started something that we didn’t finish. I’ve got a lengthy list of my own. Dear Lord knows I’ve got a BIG OLE list of my own.

In college, I thought it would be so fun to learn to play the guitar. I saw other people playing the guitar. It looked SO fun. I talked about it for a long time, psyched myself up. My friends all pitched in and bought me a beautiful guitar. I even found a private coach.

It was so exciting, and I was FULL of motivation. The lessons were fun! It was hard, but I was starting to learn chords. My friends would ask me about it, and it was fun to sort of show them what I was learning.

And then finals came, and I was busy. I had to cancel lessons. At some point, my friends quit asking, and I stopped making time for the guitar. The plan was to pick it back up after finals. Then after the summer. And then, the next semester rolled around. You get the point. 

I sit here before you this morning and regret to inform you that I am currently not a guitar player. NEVER got past the beginning stages. I eventually gave it away. 

Does this sound familiar? 

I did this a time or 10 with weight loss. Can relate? I resisted the cravings, followed the plan that I was on, and made the right choices. I felt totally in control. But then Christmas happened. Finals rolled around. Projects started. You get tired and stressed. A long day sneaks up on you. All that motivation is gone and you tell yourself, I just don’t have enough willpower. I need more.

I get told this SO MUCH. You have so much willpower! It’s NOT willpower. It’s discipline. Today we are going to talk about the difference and how to shift from a place of needing WILLPOWER to developing discipline. It is a skill that ANYONE can develop. 

There is nothing WRONG with willpower

I use willpower to do things ALL OF THE TIME. Any time you show up to your plans at the end of a long week when you’d much rather be on the couch in your pjs. Any time you rush through the gas station before heading home because you know you’ll be grateful in the morning that your tank is full.

Willpower was never designed to last. You can think of it as an emergency battery. It works for a little while, but it’s going to run out. EVERYONE has willpower, but it should be reserved for random occasions. Getting through things that you don’t WANT but NEED to do. Willpower is not meant to be used to LIVE YOUR LIFE. 

The real solution to approaching your health isn’t more willpower. It’s discipline.

Telling the difference between willpower and discipline is sort of tricky. In the beginning, willpower FEELS like discipline. You can sort of trick yourself. I think when you are developing discipline toward ANYTHING new, it BEGINS with willpower. 

The goal should be to use your willpower to learn to do the new thing, but be working on your DISCIPLINE the whole time. Which is what our coaching programs are built on. So one of the easiest ways to tell if you’re relying on willpower is to check your mindset. Willpower sounds like I don’t want to do this, but I have/need/am expected to. 

You don’t LIKE the thing… yet. It doesn’t MEAN anything to you deeper than “this is a means to an end.” Whatever you’re doing feels like something you’re being forced (against your will) to do, like an obligation rather than a choice. 

You’re constantly fighting yourself, trying to resist old habits, and pushing through with sheer effort. You may even be looking forward to the end. When this is over, THEN I can… It still seems like things are temporary.

Discipline sounds like: 

This is what I do. And this is who I am. 

My identity is tied into this because it means something to me so deeply that if I don’t do it, it will feel like I am betraying myself. I may not feel like it right now, but I’m going to do it anyway, and I’ll give it my best effort. 

I do want to get this straight: You don’t identify with the actual THING that you are doing but as the PERSON that shows up for themself and follows through. The person that takes care of their mind, body, and spirit.

It’s not about wanting to do it every time but about knowing that this is who you are and what you do. Or on the flip side, this is who you are, so you DON’T do that. You don’t waste energy debating whether or not to do it. It’s just the standard you hold for yourself. There is no lengthy debate in your mind. A very simple yes or no. 

You know that your FEELING of not wanting to do it is temporary…then once you get going, you are usually just fine.

Real-life examples of Willpower vs. Discipline

This is what willpower looks like when it comes to exercise:

Ugh, I don’t want to work out today, but I guess I have to.

Jumping around from one workout to the next. Looking for something new that’s more interesting, more exciting.

On the flip side, discipline looks like: 

I’m tired today. I’ll do the best I can in there and that will be good enough. 

Discipline means not looking for EXCITEMENT to keep you coming back. It means looking for a bigger why — routine, programming, and effectiveness. Often those aren’t quite as EXCITING because they require more focus and mind-muscle connection.

I like to divide workouts into 2 categories….cardio and weight lifting. Some of us struggle with adding in ANYTHING. Others of us love cardio and can be disciplined NO PROBLEM. Some of us ONLY want to do weights. We need BOTH. 

So if you are REALLY disciplined with your cardio, but are struggling with your weight training or vice versa, make a plan to work on that. We want to have a disciplined cardio life and strength training life… eventually. 

Moving on to another example, here’s how willpower and discipline differ when it comes to nutrition.

Willpower:

I really want the burger and fries, but I have to eat the salad, because it’s on my meal plan.

Discipline:

I could have the burger, but I know I’ll feel better with something nutritious. This is just how I eat.

In the end, it comes down to consistency. Once you get out of the headspace of doing things out of obligation or someone else telling you what to do, you switch to a consistency. You start identifying as the type of person who makes smart eating decisions, even when you’re out and about, or it’s inconvenient, or there are other things available. You’ll feel the need to move your body because it feels better and stronger and healthier when you do. It’s no longer because your coach said so.

Why discipline works 

Discipline is not something you borrow or rely on but something you build. It’s like installing your own internal generator. It doesn’t run out.

I don’t think most of us are born with discipline. It is something you develop, whether it is modeled for you over time or specifically taught. I am TEACHING with words AND MODELING discipline to my kids, and boy I can tell you that it was not internal for either one. 

I do not believe that it is some magical trait that only certain people have. You develop it. Anyone can. And you do that by awareness and taking ownership. 

When you’re operating on willpower, it feels like someone else is dragging you into battle. You’re resisting, forcing and white-knuckling your way through.

But when you shift to discipline, you’re leading the charge. You’re not doing it because someone told you to—you’re doing it because this is who you are now. 

That’s why nothing gets in the way of disciplined people. Sure, things might come up, but not for long. They adjust, they keep moving, and they don’t need to be convinced. They do it because it’s just what they do. 

How to shift from willpower to discipline 

The first step to shift into disciplines is to be able to objectively observe your own thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and stories that you are operating from. No judgement, just a RADICAL honesty with yourself. 

If you don’t LIKE something, you need to explore that. You can’t explore it if you don’t admit it. Likewise, if there is something in your life that you can’t say no to, you need to explore it. Why does this thing have such a grip on your life? 

You won’t find your answer overnight. This is a PROCESS that you are on, of CONSTANT growth and evolution. If you feel STUCK, you aren’t allowing yourself to GROW because you aren’t being real with yourself. 

You will never be able to OWN what you do if you continue to believe that someone or something else has the answer for you. Or if you believe that your success is BECAUSE of someone or something else. 

I’m not saying that you should do this alone — it IS better together, I promise you. But you are in charge of your life, your decisions, your thoughts, and most importantly, of doing the work. It’s your job. And I personally think that is FREEING. 

When you take personal responsibility, you remove excuses, justifications, and blame. You no longer need to wait around for motivation because you rev up your generator from the inside. Maybe it’s a slower start, but once you get started, it’s all good. 

Align actions with your identity 

This one is a little more difficult to understand. If you are in our program, Metabolism Mastery, I highly recommend you go through the self-awareness journey included in the program. 

If you did not grow up as someone who ate healthy and exercised, you may be thinking that you don’t have those values. That it’s just not part of who you are.

Eating healthy and exercise are something we VALUE. Our CORE VALUES are very different and much deeper than that. They are about IDENTITY. They are not likely to shift much, so you have to utilize those and leverage them toward taking care of yourself. 

For example, if one of your deep core values is FAMILY, you can LEVERAGE this in your favor. 

Maybe right now, family is a core value, and you spend time with your family nurturing, baking, and generally showing your love to them. You can take the same core value of family and rework it. 

You can NURTURE your kids through helping them nourish their bodies and teach them how to honor and take care of them. Or spend time with your kids in the kitchen cooking MEALS together. It doesn’t have to be baking. You can surprise them with little “treats” that aren’t food — like going on a walk outside or playing ball at the park. There are so many wonderful ways to spend time with your family outside baking cookies and watching TV.

I encourage you to sign up for Metabolism Mastery if you haven’t already, and check out the module on core values to discover what yours are and how to build a life that supports them.

You need to be able to shift from “I have to” to “I am someone who….”.

Create systems that remove the need for willpower

LITERALLY what we are doing in MM, but ALSO this is why the mindset portion of that program is SO IMPORTANT. This is why you shouldn’t skip that part. You create the systems and then you use your core values to create an identity surrounding this, so you KEEP sustaining the systems that you put in place. 

I also want to emphasize that none of this process is about being perfect. You don’t need to do it perfectly — you need to keep showing up. 

The long and short of it is…

Shifting from willpower to discipline isn’t about becoming a different person — it’s about becoming a more honest, aligned, and empowered version of yourself. Discipline is built through awareness, responsibility, and small daily follow‑through, not perfection. So take a moment to reflect: Where are you relying on willpower and white‑knuckling your way through? And what’s one small shift you can make today to act from identity instead of obligation?

If you’re ready to build real discipline, uncover your core values, and put systems in place that actually support the life you want, MYLF Coaching can show you exactly how to do it. Programs like Metabolism Mastery are designed to help you align your identity, habits, and routines so you can stop restarting and finally sustain the results you want.

Click here to learn more and start building the discipline that lasts.