If you’ve been in any MYLF program, or many weight loss programs, really, you’re familiar with the idea of setting weight loss goals, exercise goals, long-term or short-term goals. You name it.
Long-term goals are the overarching theme for everything we do. And we break those into short-term goals that serve as benchmarks over time to inform whether you are on the right path.
One thing these goals have in common is the pursuit of something that you don’t CURRENTLY have. You achieve those goals by doing something that you aren’t CURRENTLY doing. So a lot of the goals we set are actions that we take. The big goal is weight loss, so the smaller goals can be things like hitting your macros, staying on a deficit, exercising, etc.
But what happens if we do the new things, get to the new places, and don’t feel the fulfilment we thought we would?
What happens if you chased the GOAL so hard that you forgot to fall in love with the process along the way? And now, here you are, with a new goal in hand but still very discontent. We see this all the time. We see people chase the weight loss HARD, get there, feel VERY HAPPY for a little while, but then slowly start to gain the weight back.
In most cases, people cannot sustain the lifestyle that got them there because they forgot to fall in love with the journey. They didn’t learn to ENJOY what they have NOW and carry that with them. They didn’t work to BECOME someone new along the way — new beliefs, new thought processes, new perspectives —, learning to be GRATEFUL for your life and the ability to be on the journey.
This journey is unsustainable only if you see it as a temporary thing, some kind of punishment or trade to get from point A to point B. The second you go back to how things were before, you’ll lose your results.
I want to propose something today — let’s work on creating a balance between setting goals to go after what you don’t have and setting goals to learn to enjoy what you DO have. Because if you don’t learn THAT, you will ALWAYS want more, even when you finally have the thing you were just working for.
You won’t be able to ENJOY it.
So this week, sit down and work on some goals. We KNOW you want to lose weight, but let’s think bigger than that. Let’s try setting DIFFERENT goals that are more about becoming more emotionally intelligent, practicing acceptance, improving your communication…
4 goals to set that have nothing to do with weight loss
Goal #1 – Learn to pick up where you left off.
How many things do we start and do not finish?
The better you get at FINISHING the things you start, the more you will achieve. STARTING over is really just a figment of your imagination, a clean slate that happens in your head.
Go back to the thing you didn’t finish and start where you left off. A few examples of things you can finish:
- Finish the half-read books
- Eat what you meal prepped
- Wear the clothes that you already have in different ways
- Pick up the phone to call and apologize to the person you know you need to
- Start logging your food again
- Go back to the exercise class you were loving
The question you should ask yourself is, why haven’t you just gone back and picked it up?
Most of the time it’s because we feel like we are too far gone to just pick back up. This is why you get stuck. Chances are, you are making it out to be a bigger thing in your head than it really is. If you are picking up a book that you started but didn’t finish, you may have to flip through some chapters to remember what was going on, but then you are rocking and rolling.
If you aren’t apologizing to someone because you don’t want to admit that you were wrong, THIS is absolutely something you have to work on. Acceptance that you are not ALWAYS right, and that it’s ok to make a mistake. That the world doesn’t end when you mess up. It’s a really good life lesson to see how much repair can begin to happen when you own your mistakes.
The point is, stop STARTING OVER and get really good at picking the thing right back up in all of your daily activities. THAT is who you have to be to LIVE where your goals are.
Goal #2 – Find ways to appreciate the way people are, not the way you want them to be.
It is not your job to judge HOW someone should act. It is not your job to fix anybody. In fact, the more time you spend looking for others’ flaws, the more pressure you will put on yourself to be perfect, which is why you are stuck. You are afraid to make a mistake — what will people think?!?!?
I will repeat myself, there is not ONE PERSON on this earth whose judgment of you matters. And MOST people are NOT self-aware, and yes, they are in fact probably judging you — HARD — from the sidelines. Don’t be that person. Just let that person be. Let them have their own beliefs and thoughts about how things should go… while you keep going.
When you stop judging others and learn to appreciate them for who THEY are, you will also learn to appreciate YOURSELF for who you are, including your strengths, weaknesses — all of it. No one has ONLY good qualities or ONLY bad ones. Seek to see the good. It’s not saying you have to be best friends with everyone, but don’t waste your precious energy being upset with someone for being who they are. You can just let them be and move on.
Goal #3 – Every day, write down one thing your body allowed you to do.
It is a waste of energy to focus on what your body is NOT doing for you right now because, whether you know it or not, it’s doing a LOT for you. EVERY second of every day. Learn to give positive energy and appreciation for what your body CAN and IS doing for you.
What we do to our body is a lot like what some people do to their spouses:
- You folded the towels wrong
- You loaded the dishwasher wrong
- You didn’t make the bed the way I like
- You didn’t change the diaper right
They DID it. They did it with the intention of trying to make your life EASIER. And instead of seeing that and giving gratitude, you pointed out what they DIDN’T do. Do this enough times and see how much help you get around the house.
Watch the resentment build.
We do this to our body EVERY day. If you continue to treat it terribly and not give it gratitude, you will continue to live in resentment with it. Resentment is deadly to relationships. If you want a good relationship with your body, start thanking it every single day.
Thank you for allowing me to get up out of bed. Thank you for constantly filling my lungs with air so that I can be alive.
When you feel THANKFUL for something, you will look for ways to return the favor. Thank you for taking me through that workout; you must be thirsty and could use some electrolytes! Here you go bestie!
Goal #4 – Learn to love EARNED dopamine versus UNEARNED dopamine.
Max Lugavere posted this on X a little while back and I just loved it, so I wanted to fit that in here.
Unearned dopamine are the things you can acquire with little to no work. They offer a payout, initially, then require more and more to achieve the same results. They have POOR outcomes for your health.
There is also UNEARNED dopamine that results in GOOD outcomes for your health. But until you have reset your baseline, you won’t recognize these things as dopamine-givers.
- Cooking and eating simple meals that taste amazing at home
- Being outside
- Being around friends
- Walking outside
- Listening to music
- Reading a good book
Earned dopamine are the things that you put in more work for. The payout is not immediate. These are things you BUILD over time, and the pride you feel when you are finished is greater than any quick hit of sugar or quick “high.”
Remember, the intention here is to set a goal and work toward things that will make you the PERSON that will be able to sustain that long-term goal.
Examples of earned dopamine include:
- Start your own holiday traditions.
- Do a spend cleanse.
- Do a 24 hr fast.
- Call your mom. Not everyone has this privilege.
- Do the most important things in your day early.
- Shed what no longer serves you. Prune, prune, prune.
Make this deal with yourself: Never stop when it’s hard
Get through the hard first, then you can catch your breath. This is my rule for running — and everything in life, honestly. When I am running outside, my rule is to NEVER walk UP the hill. I have to finish the hill before I am allowed to walk. When I get to the top, I make another deal with myself — you can walk, but only after you let yourself recover in a slow jog.
What I have learned from this is to live on a spectrum instead of all or nothing. I allow myself to be flexible, but I must work hard too. When this happens, I RARELY ever end up walking, because I realize that I can recover just as much when I allow myself the flexibility to slow down versus keep this pace or walk. I give myself freedom.
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