This blog is part two of a series we recently published. You can read part 1 here.
There is ALWAYS a Way, and I Will FIND IT
We are moving forward because we are not finished. Many of us, in our 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond, have a pretty clear idea of what we can and cannot do. We’ve developed mental summaries over the years about what we’re good at and what we are terrible at — often with help from those close to us. Statements like “I’m shy,” “I’m not good at public speaking,” or “I’m a bad cook” shut down any further conversation because you already concluded… I AM (fill in the blank).
To move forward, you must believe there is more to your story—that you are still capable of learning, growing, and evolving. You don’t have to stay stuck behind closed doors. Stand up, open those doors, and walk through them. Be willing to be a beginner, to fail, and to see yourself differently. Why stop learning in middle school, high school, or college? You’re never too old to learn something new. In fact, your life experience gives you an advantage — it makes you wiser. Just as we encourage children to learn and grow, it’s time we realize we can do the same.
Rewriting your story
Reflect on the stories you tell yourself about your current situation. What have you told yourself you like/don’t like, you can/can’t do? What have you ASSUMED to be true and FINAL about your circumstances? What closed doors are you sitting behind?
We talk SO MUCH about being self-aware, seeing yourself for who you ARE. The good and the not so good. BUT it is ONE THING to become self-aware — and it is an entirely DIFFERENT thing to become RESIGNED to that. To act as if the book of your life were already closed. As long as you’re breathing, your story isn’t over.
You need to be WILLING to consider that there are other options for you. You won’t see the entire staircase as you take the first steps, and that’s okay. Just trust that each step in a new direction leads you somewhere new — the next chapter of your life. How long have you been stuck in the chapter of “I need to lose weight”?
For me, it took 35 years. I was moving forward in other chapters, but the weight loss one stayed stuck in “I need to make myself smaller” since I was in eight grade. I was doing the exact same things over and over, not even sure if I was expecting anything different. I was just stuck. I thought it would always be that way. My son’s legacy will FOREVER be this program… Master Your Life Forever belongs to Madden McCormick. He was the catalysis of me blowing the dust off of that book, picking up the pen, and writing a NEW chapter, moving in a NEW direction. I walked through a NEW door and learned to navigate a NEW way forward.
Finding the way forward
Remember, you’re only stuck when you stop. We usually stop when we get discouraged, feeling like there’s no way forward. When you get discouraged, which WILL happen, don’t run back to your old ways. Instead, LOOK for the possibilities around you. Look for open doors and close the old ones.
Sometimes the way forward is not the way you WANT it to be. Sometimes, it’s through hardship, heartache, tragedy. It’s slower than we want, or tougher. But you can’t declare yourself finished before you’ve even started. Walk through the door, close it, and find your way forward from there.
Fear is natural when stepping through a new door, and a lot of times it’ll make you FREEZE. Or you might make a mistake and feel the urge to retreat. When mistakes happen, notice them and tell yourself, “NOW MOVE.” Shift from being frozen to taking definitive action, move forward, and embrace what’s next. When you find yourself off course, immediately shift and ask yourself what moving forward in this situation looks like.
Always remember that you have the FREEDOM to leave your mistakes behind you and focus on the NEXT RIGHT THING.
Letting go of the past
It’s easy to look back and think that everything was easier, more comfortable, or familiar. This keeps us from embracing the present and moving into the future. We yearn for the “good old days” and forget the hardships we felt WHILE we were living them.
It’s normal to go through a period of mourning your old lifestyle. Adjustment is NOT easy. But eventually, this period needs to give way to movement. When you notice yourself procrastinating, say it out loud. MOVE. Just ONE step. Anything.
You’ve walked through the door, but now the challenge is navigating this new path. When doubts creep in, silence your inner critic. Protect your seeds of growth from negative thoughts. Nurture them and respond to their needs, allowing them to grow.
- When you find yourself in the pantry 2 Oreos in… SHIFT.
- When you didn’t meal prep enough food…SHIFT.
- When you are eating out at a restaurant…SHIFT.
- When you don’t have enough time to do the workout you planned…SHIFT.
This doesn’t mean beating yourself up. Just put the Oreos back and keep going. Do a quick lap around your block if you can’t squeeze a 40 minute session. Just SHIFT your focus to the next right thing.
Growth isn’t always linear
How many times have to chosen to take a new path and felt SUPER motivated and confident as you walked through the door? And then you hear it — that little voice inside your head that starts planting the seeds of doubt.
We all have an internal sensor, or inner critic, in us that attacks our confidence, which then attacks our courage, which then makes us freeze in place.
You can’t do that. You aren’t good enough. Why bother?
Part of learning how to move forward means learning to silence that inner critic that sabotages your growth. When something is growing, it needs to be NURTURED. It is UP TO YOU to either nurture the seeds of growth or the seeds of doubt.
What happens when your seed DOESN’T turn into what you want?
Sometimes, no matter what we do, things just don’t turn out how we want them. Sometimes you will go down a road of working on something and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot make it work. That doesn’t mean the whole project wasn’t worthwhile. Sometimes, buried within that project are the SEEDS of something worthwhile. Sometimes, the original seed doesn’t grow into what you planned, but it produced another seed that you wouldn’t have had access to if it weren’t for the OG seed.
Give yourself permission to be imperfect, to TEST, FAIL, and PIVOT. Growth is messy, and that’s okay. Set your bar high, but don’t expect to clear it on the first try. Learn from your experiences, keep the good, and improve the rest.
Life will throw obstacles your way
It’s not a matter of if but when. Real growth comes from HOW you respond to these obstacles and what you take from them to move forward.
When we have a goal, it is going to require that we tread into new territory. By definition, NEW TERRITORY means something you haven’t seen before. Something you are going to have to navigate that you haven’t before. There will be OBSTACLES that you have to work through. And just as you work your way through ONE, BOOOM, Life throws another one your way. It seems NEVERENDING. It seems UNFAIR.
Life is NOT against you; these challenges happen to everyone. You have the strength to navigate them. Don’t confuse who you are with where you are now. You’re in a specific state, but it’s not your identity. Focus on your strengths, use them, and be proud of them.
Recognize your weaknesses, but don’t let them define you. Use your strengths to overcome them. When fear arises, expand your strengths to conquer it. Move forward with confidence, and embrace the journey ahead.
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