Understanding what beliefs are, how they form, and most importantly, how they affect you is the KEY to making lasting change EASIER.
Pinky promise — I’m not trying to bore you to tears. But I DO want you to see WHY weight loss isn’t sustainable for over 95% of people. This is the key to KEEPING your weight OFF.
Beliefs (or stories) drive everything.
We’ve long talked about how the stories you tell yourself affect your thoughts, emotions, and ultimately your actions. Usually when I talk about beliefs, people kind of tune me out because it’s so abstract, but I really hope to change that today, so that you can see how much your belief system is the driver of everything you do.
Let’s start at the beginning: A belief is a feeling of certainty that something is true. You don’t question it. It’s in your subconscious, and it drives everything — what you value, the thoughts you think, the emotions you feel, the things you prioritize and the behaviors you take.
We take beliefs for granted because they’re subconscious. They have just sort of always been there. We assume they’re true whether they are or not. People used to believe the earth was flat. They didn’t explore too far because they thought they’d fall off. That belief shaped behavior.
They are the stories that we operate from, but so many of us never even question the stories. If you only try to change your actions without updating your beliefs, it will always feel like willpower. That’s why lasting change doesn’t come from forcing yourself into new behaviors. It comes from upgrading your beliefs into ones that are both true and helpful.
The thing is stories aren’t always true. And even if they are true, they might be incomplete—or not actually helpful.
Take something as mundane as starting a car. Maybe when you were little, you saw your parents do a whole routine—wiggle the seatbelt, jiggle the gear shift, pump the gas pedal twice—and then turn the key. And every time, the car started. So you formed a belief: all those shenanigans are how you start a car. You didn’t know the car started because of the key—you thought it started because of the whole process you watched.
Then one day you ride with a friend, and their parent just gets in, turns the key, and drives off. At first, it’s confusing. You might think, “Wow, they have an easier car.” Or eventually, you realize: the extra steps weren’t required at all. That was just a story you absorbed.
That’s how beliefs work. Most of them come from people we love and trust. We observe, copy, and repeat — often without ever asking if it’s true or useful.
But here’s the good news: beliefs can be updated. They can evolve. And when you change them, your actions follow naturally. No more white-knuckling your way forward — just alignment between what you believe and what you do.
How we form beliefs
You come into the world as a baby, not being able to reason or question things as you see them. So early on, you’re pretty much accepting what you see or hear as truth. It’s much later that you start discerning and realizing that not everything around you is as it looks. Still, many of the stories you already absorbed continue to shape your vision.
Most of us don’t even know the beliefs we picked up. But when you think about food, think about how much you observed as a child. A lot of us saw disordered eating patterns from at least one parent. As adults, we can look back and say, “oh wow, I see that.” But at the time, those things just happened.
Here’s an example of how we form beliefs early on:
When I was four, I fell and scraped my knee. It hurt badly, I cried loudly, and my mom hated to see me sad. She brought me ice cream to cheer me up. It was yummy, and I forgot all about my knee.
At 13, my best friend said something unkind about me behind my back. It hurt, so I went home crying, and again my mom brought me ice cream. It took my mind off it for a while.
At 16, my boyfriend broke up with me. I was devastated, and it sucked to be sad. So I went into the kitchen and made myself ice cream. Distracted by thoughts of him, I barely noticed finishing the first bowl and quickly got another. Eventually, I gained weight after that breakup because I was sad for quite a while.
Now I’m 32, married with two kids. I love them so much, I’d do anything to protect them. Yesterday my toddler fell and skinned her knee. It hurt, and I hated seeing her hurt. To cheer her up, I gave her ice cream. She smiled, and I felt relief.
You can see it’s not an intentional act, but the belief passes on. As a child, you were comforted by your mom. The body released oxytocin from the connection and dopamine from the sugar. The brain remembered both. But it wasn’t the ice cream that comforted you — it was the love and presence. If your mom had hugged you, rocked you, and soothed you, you would have felt the same. This is how we develop deep beliefs like “food is comfort.”
Beliefs that keep us from making changes to improve our health are LIMITING BELIEFS. They limit our potential and keep us feeling stuck and frustrated.
The impact of limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are lies we keep telling ourselves — stories we’ve accepted as truth and we keep blindly following thinking it’s just FACTS.
If this is your belief → This is the action you’ll take:
- Belief: Food must always be fun and delicious.
→ Action: You’ll quit the moment food feels repetitive or bland. - Belief: Nothing works for me.
→ Action: You’ll stop trying the SECOND the scale stalls or God forbid goes UP. - Belief: I can’t cook.
→ Action: You won’t cook - Belief: I’m too busy
→ Action: You’ll keep waiting for a “perfect time” that never comes. - Belief: Food is happiness.
→ Action: You’ll turn to food for comfort instead of addressing the real issue…you will keep trying to find HAPPINESS in EXTERNAL things…which is fruitless. Pleasure is external….happiness is internal. - Belief: My hormones make it impossible.
→ Action: You’ll give up on nutrition and look only for medical fixes. - Belief: My life is too stressful.
→ Action: You’ll use stress as a reason to keep unhealthy habits. - Belief: Every meal should be exciting, different, and a 10 out of 10.
→ Action: You’ll chase novelty and pleasure instead of consistency and nourishment.
That last one is a big one in our culture. We’ve been taught to expect that food should always be convenient, fast, and endlessly varied. If dinner feels repetitive, or lunch is just “fine” instead of amazing, we think something’s wrong with us or with the plan.
But think about our ancestors. They didn’t have those beliefs. If they had expected food to always be quick and exciting, they wouldn’t have survived. Food was work. You hunted, gathered, cooked, preserved — or you went without. Repetition wasn’t failure; it was normal. You ate what was available, sometimes the same foods for weeks or months. And sometimes you didn’t eat at all.
Something to consider here: if you can find even ONE person who lives by a different belief than you, someone who:
- Seems happy even without indulging at every meal
- Is losing weight without a medical intervention
- Is older than you and managing to lose weight
- Has a busy schedule still making time
Then that belief you’ve been holding isn’t a universal truth. It’s just a story you learned and you have bought into. The question is: are you going to keep doubling down and defending it, even though it’s clearly not getting you where you want to go? Or are you willing to update the story so you can finally move forward?
Belief systems as maps
Over time, we build a whole system of beliefs and it becomes a map we follow. This map includes our values, thoughts, emotions, and actions.
The problem is the map is often shaped by other people’s opinions and prejudices, not fact. And we formed it when we weren’t old enough to question. So we have to ask: is this map still taking me where I want to go, or am I always ending up in the wrong place?
Two maps, two outcomes
Map A (self-hate):
Belief: “My body is not valuable at this size.”
Thoughts: “I hate my body. I can’t wait to change it.”
Emotions: Desperate, distressed, frustrated.
Actions: Jump on a diet.
Outcome: Temporary weight loss, then a detour back.
Map B (self-respect):
Belief: “My body is resilient and can heal.”
Thoughts: “My body has worked so hard to protect me; I want to return the favor.”
Emotions: Hopeful, excited, positive.
Actions: Learn, problem-solve, stabilize blood sugar.
Outcome: Metabolic health — a continuous journey, not a finish line.
Both maps include the belief that health matters. But Map A leads to despair and yo-yo dieting while Map B leads to consistency and growth.
Underlying conflicts
Underlying conflict means you hold two or more beliefs that don’t support each other or your decisions based on them.
Here’s where people get confused. You may truly believe, “Health is valuable. My body can heal.” But you also believe, “Hyper-palatable foods make my life better.”
That’s a belief collision. It’s like having two GPS systems running in your car, giving you opposite directions. You’re technically moving, but it’s jerky, exhausting, and you never get very far. Both beliefs feel true, but they can’t both guide you at the same time. So every step forward toward health feels like a loss of joy, and every step toward food feels like betrayal of your health.
That’s why you can genuinely want health and still never arrive. Until you resolve the conflict and choose which map to follow, you’ll stay stuck.
Writing a new story
1. The Vehicle (You)
Your body is your vehicle. And until you believe your vehicle is already amazing, you’ll stay stuck. Most people look at themselves and think:
- “I always fail.”
- “I don’t have time.”
- “It’s my hormones.”
- “I’m too old.”
- “I’ll be worthy once I get there.”
But that’s like staring at a car in your driveway and only seeing the dents and scratches. Sure, maybe it could use a little restoration. Maybe it needs a tune-up. But it already runs. It’s already capable of getting you where you want to go.
These self-sabotaging beliefs make you treat yourself like a junk car — not worth the effort, not worth the gas. But the truth is, the vehicle you have now is the only one you’ll ever get. And when you start believing it’s valuable, you’ll start treating it that way.
You wouldn’t plant a flower and say, “When you’re big, I’ll water you.” You water it now so it can grow. Same with your vehicle — you invest in it now so it can take you further.
2. The Fuel (Food)
Most people say they want sustainable weight loss. But what they really mean is, “I want to lose weight and keep eating the foods I love, the way I love them.”
That’s the wrong mentality. You’re still convinced that unless food fits your old beliefs — fun, exciting, indulgent, comforting —, the journey isn’t worth going on.
But what if those very beliefs are the carcass weighing you down? What if the idea that food must always be convenient, fun, or a 10 out of 10 is the reason you keep ending up stuck in the same cycle?
The truth is, when you start challenging the way you’ve always thought about food, you start changing your trajectory naturally. You stop dragging the rot with you, and suddenly the road forward gets lighter.
3. The Route (Weight loss approach)
Your route is the plan you follow. And here’s where so many people get lost — they believe things like:
- There’s one exact plan that works, and I have to find it.
- I’ll start when life slows down.
- If I go faster, I’ll get there faster.
- I’ll lose weight on this plan, then maintain it a different way.
But here’s the truth: There is no perfect time — life doesn’t clear a path for you. Waiting for “someday” is just parking the car. Speeding feels exciting, but it doesn’t get you farther ahead. In fact, most of the time it gets you pulled over or off track.
And maintenance isn’t a different road. You don’t switch highways when you arrive — you just set a different pace.
Lasting change comes from picking a route you can actually drive day after day. Not the fastest. Not the most glamorous. Just the one that actually gets you where you want to go.
4. The Road Conditions (Life and stress)
Every trip has road conditions. But most people expect their road to be smooth. Beliefs here sound like:
- “Life should go smoothly.”
- “If I work hard, life should be fair.”
- “I should see results quickly.”
But real roads don’t work like that. Sometimes they’re bumpy. And sometimes there’s traffic, detours, or storms. The question isn’t if it will get rocky — it’s when.
And when it does, most people panic. They think, “Something’s wrong. I must be failing.” And they turn to old habits for comfort. The truth is, roadblocks don’t mean you’re lost — they mean you’re on a real journey. If you expect the bumps and prepare for them, you can slow down, steer carefully, and keep moving forward.
The key is this: don’t expect a perfect road. Expect to learn how to navigate it.
- Other Drivers (Other People)
Other people are on the road too — but here’s where comparison and resentment creep in. Beliefs here sound like:
- “They should accommodate me.”
- “They’re having more fun than I am.”
- “I need what they have in order to succeed.”
If you’re constantly staring into the other lanes, you’ll either drift out of yours or slam on the brakes. Their speed, their music, their snacks — none of it actually gets you where you’re going.
This isn’t a race. Everyone has their own vehicle, route, and timing. The fastest way to wreck your journey is to keep checking theirs instead of driving your own.
Reframe: mind your own car. Stay in your lane. Everyone can get to health, but only if they actually drive forward.
2. Passengers (Dependents)
Your spouse is in their own car — don’t try to drive it. Focus on your actual passengers: your kids. Limiting beliefs here sound like:
- “Kids eat differently than adults.”
- “They don’t have weight problems, so it’s fine.”
- “They’re picky eaters, that’s just how it is.”
- “I have to cook multiple meals.”
Kids have the same human bodies we do. Their “pickiness” isn’t a permanent trait — it’s shaped by an environment of ultra-processed foods. And just like you, their beliefs about food are being formed right now.
How to rewrite beliefs:
The first step to rewrite your beliefs into something that serves you is to notice them when they arise. It’s not about judging them or labeling them as good or bad though. It’s about becoming aware of the story you’re telling yourself and how it impacts you.
Next, trace your actions back to the belief that roots them. Would you make a different choice if your belief were different?
Then, question it. Is this a fact or a story you adopted as such? And how it is serving you — does it help you move toward your goals or is it holding you back and keeping you stuck?
If it’s keeping you stuck, it’s time to replace it with an updated belief that actually supports you and helps you grow. This won’t come easily, but you need to be firm in practicing this updated belief consistently and making decisions from this new belief — that’s where you will start to see progress.
For most people, beliefs are invisible forces steering every choice
Once you see them, you can take the wheel. Disrupting a belief doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means you’re upgrading.
This isn’t about faking discipline or white-knuckling willpower.
Lasting change doesn’t happen by dragging your old stories into your future. If you are ready to resolve the underlying conflicts holding you back and build consistent action steps that stick, let’s do it together. Explore MYLF Coaching Services here to learn how we can help you rewrite your map and transform your life
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