Change can be hard. I’m not telling you anything new. At some point, we’ve all been forced to deal with a sudden change, one we didn’t WANT or asked for.
Life was going great, and then suddenly, things changed. In a split second, a chapter in your life that you were REALLY ENJOYING ended — and not with the ending you were expecting. And you weren’t really ready for it, but the choice wasn’t yours to make.Life didn’t ask for your permission first. It certainly didn’t give you the option to return to the way things were. And now you have to find a way forward. But when you look ahead, the pages look blank.
Loss of a loved one or a job, betrayal, surprise divorce papers… Being handed a cancer diagnosis. These are the things that none of us would ask for, but every one of us have survived something similar. Or if you haven’t faced it yet, you most likely will at some point. And you too will survive it.
We are made to overcome difficult things, endure that initial impact — the shock, the pain, the uncertainty. This part FEELS unbearable; we don’t think we will ever make it through and feel joy again. But as time passes, we get stronger. We adapt and learn how to carry the weight. The challenges that once seemed impossible to live with become part of our story.
What about the changes that aren’t FORCED upon us? The ones we know we need to make, yet we hesitate to make them because even if life isn’t that great the way things are right now, we just aren’t going to CHOOSE the hard road ahead. Even if we know that a change would improve our situation.
THIS place is miserable….but at least it’s FAMILIAR to us. So we try to make changes to the chapter that we are currently on. Try to keep a chapter open when it’s really time to turn the page.
Let’s dive deep into what change REALLY is
We think of the word CHANGE as an END. But I want you to start viewing it as an opportunity for growth, even though it can be difficult to see IN the moment.
Let’s explore how to recognize when change is needed, and most importantly, how to fully commit to that change so it sticks.
At its core, change is simply a SHIFT. You are shifting from one state to another. CHANGE is the process of TRANSFORMING.
You cannot GROW and EVOLVE without SOMETHING changing. Something has to stop so that you can move in a different trajectory.
Even when change is UNWANTED, I think when we get some distance from it, we all would agree that even though we may not have chosen that route, we came out stronger than we went in.
So if we KNOW in our HEARTS that change is good for us and that it leads to GROWTH, why do so many of us resist it SO HARD?
Why do we RESIST change?
Our brains are wired for survival, and survival used to mean sticking to what we know. Familiarity meant safety. This is why we often experience fear or anxiety when faced with change — it’s our survival instincts kicking in.
We are creatures of habit that fear the unknown. Our routines give us a sense of control and predictability. We’re worried about failure. And maybe most importantly, we’re attached to our current identity.
UNDERSTANDING what your brain is doing is the first step in overcoming this resistance.
Resistance to change is completely natural. There’s nothing wrong with you because you are weary of change. But here’s the thing: just because we feel resistance doesn’t mean we have to avoid the change. We can acknowledge that feeling without letting it hold us back.
The key is learning to lean into it, to take tiny steps toward it. The hardest part of change isn’t the change itself — it’s how we think about it. We see it as this massive, sudden shift that needs to happen all at once. But in reality, it’s about taking one small step after another. Change doesn’t happen in a single leap; you build it moment by moment, step by step.
Even when life hands you those difficult, unexpected changes, your life doesn’t actually change in that single moment. What shifts is your awareness — the knowledge that your future will now look different. It’s that realization that makes everything feel like it changed overnight. But when you stop and look around, everything in your immediate environment is still pretty much the same. The world is still revolving just as it was right before you got the news. There may have been a traumatic event that led to the final outcome, like a car wreck, an emergency surgery, or an argument. When that is over, the world around you LOOKS the same, but you know that moving forward it will never FEEL the same.
Sometimes horrible things happen that force us INTO change. Other times, we have to choose to MAKE the change ourselves. But in BOTH situations, it all hinges on one realization; things are different now. The only difference is that when we CHOOSE change, we often allow ourselves the option to turn back. That’s where we get stuck — because we keep looking back instead of committing fully to moving forward. If we want to move FORWARD, then BACKWARDS need to be off the table.
The real secret is we have to navigate forward with small steps.
How can I STOP RESISTING THOUGH, JENNY?!?! I GENUINELY hate it!!!
Well, we are going to reframe this for you.
You must understand that change is inevitable. Refusing to adapt doesn’t mean things will stay the same; it just means they’ll change in ways you may not want. Life keeps moving forward whether we’re ready or not.
Let’s say that you KNOW that your eating habits should change, but you don’t do it. That doesn’t mean that things don’t change. YOU might refuse to change YOUR actions, but your body and health status will continue to change in a negative direction. So just because YOU aren’t the one implementing the change, doesn’t mean things aren’t changing and that there won’t be consequences. You can either choose to change those things NOW or LATER when life FORCES you to and your circumstances are much harder.
So, instead of letting change happen to you, why not just take an active role in it? When you embrace change, you give yourself the power to guide it in a direction that serves you rather than catching you off guard.
This desire to FIGHT change often comes from the belief that things SHOULD stay the way they are. I like this, therefore I should have it. I deserve to keep it forever.
A lot of us avoid change because we wrap our identity in things outside of ourselves—our jobs, our relationships, our THINGS, the foods we LIKE, our routines. We get so busy identifying with these external markers that we forget who we are at our core and what we’re actually capable of. It’s easier to cling to those external labels because they feel familiar, even if they’re not serving us anymore. You are FAR MORE than the temporary things that you attach yourself to.
Life doesn’t guarantee things will stay the same
We are all navigating through a world where things naturally come and go. It’s not easy to let go of what feels comfortable, but your ability to navigate change is built in who you are. It’s just buried in the distractions of what you THINK defines you. When you strip away those external attachments, it leaves your resilience, your resourcefulness, and your ability to adapt.
The key is learning to embrace the things and experiences that come your way, but also knowing when to let them go when their time is up. Nobody owes you certainty, stability, or permanence. So the real flex is knowing that when the things around us change, we have the ability to adapt, evolve, and thrive—even as things come and go.
So let’s do it….let’s change. Well, I have tried that before Jenny. It didn’t work. Well, that’s because you gave yourself an out. And we are going to stop doing that.
We need to FULLY commit to change while remaining OPEN to how that change unfolds.
The first step is making a firm decision that you are now writing a new chapter. Some things may come with you and your main character into the next chapter, but some things will need to stay behind. Maybe they helped get you to THIS chapter, but now it’s time to continue the story and let our character evolve.
There is power in a firm decision — when you decide to change, you stop tip-toeing around it. And once you’ve decided, don’t give yourself the option to go backward. If it remains an option, you won’t force yourself to push through those initial uncomfortable phases that end up getting EASIER. This will tempt you to run back to familiarity and comfort when things feel hard.
Do not let the old chapter be your safety net
Most people would tell you to create a VIVID vision of where you are trying to go, so that when things get hard, you can look at that and remember why you are going through the hard thing. And to be clear, I’m not totally against that because I think it CAN be motivating.
HOWEVER, I think you need to be careful here. I think sometimes this creates impatience for people, because they are working toward that thing which usually takes a lot longer than you imagine. Because again, this is NEW TERRITORY, and we really CAN’T imagine what our final outcome will be. We have never actually been there before. I think you need to have an IDEA of the way you want this to turn out, but then spend the MAJORITY of your energy on the journey itself.
When you were going through that hard thing that LIFE forced you into, you didn’t survive it by focusing on how you were going to feel once you were on the other side. You focused on winning each little battle along the way. Then one day, you looked up and you were doing better. I really and truly think that you build change by focusing MORE on the journey itself. This way you can be open to the ending changing when you see things differently. You aren’t so stuck on the end goal that you don’t follow your instincts to navigate the story in a different direction, one that you couldn’t see when you first started the chapter.
Make the full commitment to change
You get your vision of what the next chapter looks like, and then you create your plan to get there. Big changes don’t happen overnight — they happen one step at a time. And those steps must be clear and intentional. There has to be a plan for progress, and you have to take consistent action.
Think of it like a writer working on a book. When they focus on that story, it gets all their time and attention. You can’t commit to change and then push it to the back burner. This has to be your priority. Whatever you’re working on, it has to take precedence if you truly want to see it through.
Implementing change successfully
Let’s talk about how to actually make change happen.
First, you have to break down big changes into manageable steps. And how about we BEGIN with the thing that is actually keeping you stuck?
A lot of people are willing to add things into their life. More water, more veggies, more protein, more sleep, more movement… That’s great, OF COURSE.
But here’s the problem: so few are willing to remove the thing that’s actually keeping them stuck. And this is where you have to start. You can’t just pile on new habits while ignoring what’s holding you back. You’ve got to be honest about what needs to go, whether it’s a habit, a mindset, or something in your environment.
I want you to imagine you’re writing a story about yourself. You’re the lead character. You’ve just finished reading the chapter where, every time this character interacted with something, they got hurt. They kept doing the same thing over and over, and every time, the result was the same — more pain. As the reader, you know what needs to happen next. The character has to stop going back to this thing.
So, how would you write the next chapter? Would you keep having them repeat the same behavior and just throw in new distractions? No — you’d evolve the character. You’d get them away from the antagonist, the thing that’s causing all the pain, so they can start to thrive and grow. If you keep reintroducing the same pattern, you’re just stuck in the last chapter all over again.
So while I think adding in healthy habits to your life is a WONDERFUL THING, I firmly believe that MOST of those things can come in AFTER we deal with this major player.
Everyone always says, don’t change too much at once or you will get overwhelmed. And I agree, but also believe that you have to change the NEXT RIGHT THING. For many of us, that means that we are REMOVING a bad habit from our life.
And the way to stop a bad habit is to stop letting your brain fire off that connection. You have to stop doing it. The first time you say no is the hardest. Each time after that gets easier. You have to do this consistently over time, then before long you are in the HABIT of NOT doing it.
Rewiring your brain doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s where most people give up. But showing up, even when it feels slow, is where transformation happens. Every day is a small SHIFT in your character’s life.
And here’s the hardest part: consistency and patience. I know it’s frustrating not to see results right away, but real change takes time. So instead of counting down the pages until you finish the book, try involving yourself in every page, every step, being present in your amazing life.
Ready for a reset?
In The Reset, we discuss at length all the mindset shifts and perspective changes you’ll need to grasp to successfully transform your life. IF you haven’t watched the RESET videos, now is a GREAT time to go do that.If you’re ready to take the first step, hit us up and we’ll discuss how MYLF Coaching can help you.
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