The space between where you are now and where you are trying to go is going to be messy. I talk a lot about deciding to grow — about closing the chapter you’re in and starting a new one. But here’s something I probably don’t say enough:
The next chapter always starts messy. It doesn’t begin with clarity or confidence.
It starts with doubt, discomfort, and disruption. And because of that, most people assume they’re doing it wrong. But the mess isn’t a red flag. It’s a sign that you’re doing something new.
And new always feels weird — until it doesn’t.
So this piece is about that space in between: You’re growing into something better, but you haven’t quite found your footing yet. That’s where the real work is. And that’s where most people give up — because they never learned how to keep going in the mess.
Why does change feel so uncomfortable
Change isn’t just about your habits. It’s about your identity and becoming someone different.
And that process? It’s incredibly uncomfortable. Not because it’s wrong but because it’s unfamiliar. You’re not skipping meals anymore or living on autopilot. You’re making choices with intention.
And the moment you stop playing your old role, everything around you starts reacting. Even your brain will try to pull you back — because it craves predictability, not progress.
And then there’s the people around you. Some will support you. Others won’t know how to handle the new version of you. That doesn’t make them bad people. But it does mean you might lose people in the process. You’ll part ways. And nobody’s wrong—it just is what happens when you grow.
And maybe, down the line, you’ll reconnect. But either way, you’ll find new people. People who align with who you’re becoming, who get it. Who walk with you and grow with you.
Why most people don’t make it through change
One of the biggest reasons people don’t change is that the people in their lives won’t let them, or at the very least, they make it very difficult for them to do so.
They start moving forward, and instead of being pulled through by support, they get pulled back by fear, judgment, or guilt from the people closest to them.
“Why are you doing that?”
“You’ve changed.”
“Don’t go too far.”
“You’re being obsessive.”
It takes an influential person to stay focused in that environment.
We are innately people pleasers. And even if people don’t openly harass you, you can feel the negativity. You can feel the disapproval, and it makes it challenging to continue choosing actions that you know are not sitting well with people you would like to gain approval from.
Rarely does anyone thrive in environments where their actions upset people. Even if you know deep down that those are the emotions to handle, it’s still not enjoyable being a part of someone’s emotional upset.
If you want to change, it will upset some people who are attached to this version of you. Being able to keep doing the rough-around-the-edges, unglamorous work that is required to really change means that you must continue to do those things — even when no one is clapping.
That’s why this work is so challenging, because you’re not just changing your body, food, or habits. You’re changing your life, and not everyone will support that.
That’s why I created this community. Because you don’t just need people who relate to your past, or this CURRENT version of you. You need people who believe in your future, who accept your growth. People who will sit with you in the mess.
And say: “Keep going. You’re not crazy. I’m here for you. Don’t stop. I’ve got you, I’ll help you figure it out.
You don’t need to have everyone on board for your journey. But you need some people; you need a support system, not people who support self-sabotaging behaviors, but people who support you and encourage you to keep going through the mess.
What to expect as you grow
You’re going to have moments where you forget what you’re doing, when the old version of you reappears, and you question if this is even worth it.
That’s normal, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re growing.
Suppose you’re feeling lost while building the next version of you — good. That means you are not clinging to the comfort of the old one. You are treading into new territory and learning how to navigate something you haven’t done before.
This isn’t about perfection — it’s about building capacity. And most people don’t actually understand what that means.
Capacity is your ability to carry or handle something. It’s how much effort, responsibility, or discomfort you can manage without giving up.
So when I say this isn’t about being perfect, I mean:
You’re not here to do everything right; it doesn’t have to be perfectly polished. This journey is about building the strength to keep going when things aren’t ideal. When you’re tired, busy, unsure, or not motivated.
And — this one’s important — when you’re underwhelmed.
Most people only want to act when they feel overwhelmed with excitement. However, progress is often built in the most mundane moments.
The repetitive, unsexy, no one is watching moments: Meal prep and logging food, closing your kitchen, and going to bed early.
That’s not motivational. It’s foundational, and it’s boring; most people don’t yet have the capacity to tolerate bland or underwhelming things.
But the people who build capacity? Some show up without applause. Hype isn’t what moves them.
Perfect conditions aren’t required. What matters is the next step — and they take it, again and again.
You’ll mess up and forget.
But the people who succeed? Failure isn’t something they dodge — it’s something they move through.
What sets them apart is the ability to keep going anyway. Instead of giving up, they carry the lesson forward and use it to their advantage, growing from it. You’re not meant to do this flawlessly. You’re meant to do it thoroughly, and that includes the mess.
Your attitude is everything
There will be days when nothing seems to be working. The scale’s not moving, and progress isn’t visible. Your effort feels invisible.
That’s when your attitude matters most.
You can spiral, or you can anchor and work through the problem. You can say, “screw it,” or you can say, “This is the part that matters. Let me re-evaluate where I am and see if I am trying to get ahead of myself. Maybe there is a step that I am missing.”
The easy days don’t shape you. The hard ones do. But let me be clear: the hard part of growth isn’t when everything is dialed in and the progress is visible. That part’s actually pretty easy. You’re getting results. Feeling motivated. Receiving encouragement constantly.
The real challenge is when the progress slows down. When the external changes stall, and no one is clapping. That’s the moment where growth goes internal.
That’s when you’re forced to build capacity — the ability to keep going when things aren’t ideal. It begins with becoming more self-aware, recognizing the patterns you repeatedly create, and learning to manage your expectations of yourself and others. It means shifting from blame to problem-solving, practicing how to sit in discomfort without reacting, and learning to reframe your thoughts, your attitude, and your story.
That’s the actual work. And it’s the part most people skip. They don’t want to do the internal work, so when the external progress slows, they assume it’s not working and start to slide backwards.
But if you do that work — if you lean into the part no one sees —, that’s what will allow you to keep moving forward long after the surface-level motivation wears off.
So no, this journey isn’t asking you to love every second. It’s asking you to stay in it when it’s slow, when it’s boring, or uncomfortable.
Stay where your feet are
Here’s what I need you to remember: Don’t try to live in three timelines at once. Stop obsessing over how far you have to go or replaying where you used to be. Stay where your feet are.
Right here. Right now.
Ask yourself: What is my next step today? And take that step.
Then do it again. That’s how change happens.
Not with big sweeping moves. But with small, underwhelming, consistent ones that compound over time.
When you’re on the other side of someone changing
We don’t talk enough about what happens when someone close to you begins to change. Maybe your spouse shifts their habits. Your friend starts setting boundaries. Your kid begins to take ownership of their routine. And suddenly, you feel off—not because their change is wrong, but because you didn’t choose it. You weren’t ready. And now it feels like you’re being pulled into a shift you didn’t ask for.
That’s a real feeling. And it’s valid. You don’t have to ignore it or pretend it doesn’t affect you. But it’s worth asking what that discomfort is trying to show you. Because if someone’s growth makes you feel left behind, staying still won’t close the gap. You don’t have to match their pace, but if you want to stay connected, you’ll need to move at a similar pace.
However, I challenge you to be honest about what that discomfort might be revealing.
Because if someone close to you is growing—and you’re feeling left behind—feeling left behind won’t close the gap.
The gap only gets wider the longer you stare at it. The longer you sit on the sidelines, compare, complain, or blame. If there’s distance, it’s not a sign that you’ve lost them. It’s a sign that you have steps to take as well.
And that’s okay. You don’t have to match their pace or do what they’re doing. But if you want to grow with them — if you’re going to stay connected — you can’t stay still.
You have to ask:
Where am I right now? And what’s my next step in this direction?
Because growth doesn’t pull people apart — resistance does. And the only way to close the gap is to start moving again.
When change chooses you
You didn’t ask for this. One day, things were working — or at least familiar. Then something shifted — a loss, a diagnosis, a breakup. Something you relied on disappeared. Something you never imagined became your new reality. And now, ready or not, you’re in a different chapter.
Most people get stuck here. Not because they’re weak, but because they keep resisting what already happened. They replay it, try to undo it, wish it away. But change doesn’t reverse itself. And grief doesn’t end just because you ignore it. The only way forward is through — slowly, imperfectly, and without a clear map.
It’s not about pretending you’re fine. It’s about learning to move through the discomfort without letting it define you. That takes time. It takes capacity. And it starts with one honest step at a time.
But I’ll tell you this:
The moment I stopped fighting the change and started honoring the process was the moment I stopped feeling imprisoned by it.
You don’t move forward by pretending it didn’t happen. You move forward by grieving it fully and letting it shape you.
There’s no need to love this season. However, if you want it to grow, you must walk through it.
Change isn’t supposed to feel smooth — it’s supposed to stretch you. Whether you choose it or not, it will challenge your habits, your relationships, and your sense of identity. That discomfort isn’t a sign to stop. It’s a sign that you’re doing something new.
You don’t need perfect conditions or constant motivation. You need capacity — the ability to keep going when things are slow, messy, or invisible. Stay where your feet are. Take the next step. That’s how real growth begins.
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