In life, there are two fundamental truths that we can always rely on. The first is that every action we take will inevitably have a reaction. For every INPUT there is an OUTPUT. This means that the choices we make and the steps we take will always lead to some sort of consequence, whether positive or negative, and sometimes it’s a combination of the two. For example, something might offer IMMEDIATE gratification (positive) followed by a downstream consequence.
The second truth is that nothing in life is truly free. This may seem obvious, but it’s worth reflecting on the fact that everything we experience or acquire comes at a cost. Whether it’s money, time, energy, or some other resource, there is always a price to pay. I know they say the best things in life are FREE, but that phrase refers to the fact that happiness cannot be BOUGHT with MONEY. but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t cost us our efforts, energy and time.
For example, they say love is free. Is this true? I agree that it is one of the MOST REWARDING things in this WORLD. But is it FREE? Does being in a healthy and loving relationship cost you NOTHING? Anyone who is in a healthy marriage can agree that there are costs involved in sustaining it over time. You don’t just get to DO whatever you want, say whatever you want. There is another party involved that you need to think about and work with. All great marriages require WORK.
Health is another big one. Our health is ONE OF THE GREATEST REWARDS that we can enjoy…but does having health cost NOTHING? If you are just starting out on your health journey, I think you KNOW that this is not true. It IS going to cost you something. There are going to be moments that feel HARD. The outcome isn’t just going to be handed to you. You WILL have to work for it. And yes, the actual THINGS that you need to do to have good health are USUALLY no financial charge, but they cost you in OTHER ways.
If these things were really FREE, then why are the divorce rates and obesity rates skyrocketing?
Just because something doesn’t cost you dollars, it doesn’t make it free. Your time, effort, and energy can even be more difficult to pay than writing a check. That is a MUCH GREATER sacrifice than a financial one. So much so that entire markets are offering products to achieve X or Y results.
If you are HERE, you are trying to tackle behavior change, specifically HABITUAL behavior change. We have had behaviors around food from the time we are born, so our habits surrounding food are DEEPLY engrained in our brain. So to change these as an adult is difficult and uncomfortable. It is not IMMEDIATELY rewarding, and you cannot write a check for it. It is FREE, but it is not FREE because the cost is your dedication, your energy, and your focus.
The Real Cost of Behavior Change
The cost of behavior change means dealing with the discomfort of being a little hungry sometimes or rejecting the food you love in favor of a longer-term goal. It also means wanting things to go faster than they are and dealing with the subsequent frustration that brings, or being uncomfortable and feeling out of shape and out of our element when we try to cook or exercise.
THOSE things are costing us quite a lot. And when we put our constant FOCUS and attention on how much it’s costing us, it eventually becomes more than we are willing to pay. So we stop.
The act of changing deeply engrained behavior is hard work. And the COSTS upfront can seem far too great to push through and get to the big prize. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, though — it is the most rewarding work you can do. It’s just that the payout isn’t immediate, because real lasting change does not happen overnight.
Reflect: What is CHANGE costing you?
When we launched one of our MYLF programs, JumpStart, we had participants work through a list of questions to help them understand that we do the things we do because we view them as being beneficial to us in some way. If you eat ice cream every night, you aren’t doing that because you are a bad person, you are making that choice because you see that behavior as being beneficial for you. You have conducted a cost/benefit analysis and came to the conclusion that the cost was worth it to you, whether you realize it or not.
These questions will help you evaluate behaviors keeping you stuck and take a non-judgmental look at it for what it is and why it is a part of your life.
The Costs and Benefits of STAYING THE SAME
Benefits (Reward)
- What pleasures, benefits, or advantages does it bring to my life?
- With what feelings or moods does my current behavior help me cope (frustration, anger, fear, boredom, depression, anxiety, loneliness, stress, etc.)?
- How does it help me cope?
- What positive feelings, moods, or situations does my current behavior make even better?
- What things does my current behavior help, or at least seem to help me do better?
- Does it help me avoid reality or escape?
- Does it ease or reduce physical or emotional pain?
- Does my current behavior help me socialize and fit in?
- Do I need my current behavior to seem more fun, charming, interesting, or more confident?
- Do I need my current behavior to feel normal?
Cost (risks and disadvantages)
- What is it that I dislike about my current behavior?
- How is it harming me?
- What will my life be like if I continue to do this?
- How much time have I lost to my current behavior?
- How many people do I lie to in order to hide my current behavior?
- How do I feel after the effects of my current behavior wear off?
- How does it affect my health?
- Does it affect my energy, stamina, and concentration?
- How much money have I lost to my current behavior?
- What legal problems do I face because of my behavior?
- How does it affect my relationships?
- How does it affect my work performance?
- How does it affect my social life?
- What effects has it had on my self-respect and self-confidence?
The costs and benefits of CHANGING
Benefits (Reward)
- How will changing affect my health?
- How will changing affect my relationships with the ones I love? My intimacy with my partner?
- How will changing affect my job?
- How much money can I save?
- What will stopping do to my self-respect and self-confidence?
- Will stopping affect my ability to deal with my problems?
- What will I do with the time freed up because I’m not pursuing my addictive behavior?
- What goals have I abandoned that I could accomplish?
Costs (risks & disadvantages)
- What will I miss about the thing I am giving up?
- What issues in my life will I have to find new ways to deal with when I stop doing this thing?
- What thoughts and emotions will I have to learn to accept?
- What will change about my life that I like now because of my current behaviors?
Time for a change? Take the driver’s seat in your life FOREVER
MYLF Coaching is dedicated to empowering you to not only define success on your own terms but to achieve it through knowledge and practice.Learn more about our approach to health and wellness and how to work with us here.
Be the first to comment