I want you to think for a moment, what would you say if someone (even yourself) were to ask you, why are you stuck?
Maybe you’re starting “on Monday,” or “tomorrow.” Perhaps it’s the first of the month. Or New Year’s. Why do we wait until some arbitrary time in the future that is somehow BETTER than right now?
Why don’t you hear most people say, “I am going to regroup and do better this instant?” Why don’t we start things RIGHT NOW?
Five reasons we delay the start
Many unhelpful storylines are happening in most of our heads at any given time. These hold us hostage and prevent us from making the change that will TRANSFORM our lives.
The following are some of the beliefs that may be keeping you stuck in the “I will do it later” cycle. To be clear, I’m calling this a cycle, because it’s repetitive and not moving forward. We are MYLFS, we want to keep moving FORWARD.
Perfectionism
If it’s not perfect, it’s not worth it. We have to start over. Sounds harsh, doesn’t it?
How many times have you discarded a less-than-perfect task or day because it didn’t live up to your own expectations? A common example we see: You have one meal that’s not exactly what’s listed on your plan. The next logical step is to throw everything out the window and go all out — you’ll get back on the wagon tomorrow, right?
Many times, perfectionism stems from deep insecurities. We’ve GOT to be perfect to be worthy of respect, admiration, even just being accepted. And it is GREAT to hold yourself to high standards and work for them. But do you need to do that in every sphere?
Life isn’t perfect. Every little decision you make builds up to an outcome. When you allow for mistakes, you can BUILD on them, learn, and continue to do BETTER. So-called “mistakes” can even result in outcomes you couldn’t have dreamed of.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
I’d also argue, don’t let perfect be the enemy of HAPPY and FULFILLED.
All-or-nothing mentality
In a similar vein to perfectionism, an all-or-nothing mentality is one of the more common reasons to start over again and again. If you aren’t going to get the complete and total outcome RIGHT NOW when you want it, is it even worth doing?
For many of us, it’s too unpleasant to continue to take actions outside of our comfort zone that are only yielding PARTIAL results. We don’t want PARTIAL — we like EVERYTHING, and we want it YESTERDAY. The problem with this approach is that progress is incremental. You’ll get pieces that eventually build your outcome, like Legos. This all-or-nothing approach rarely leads to ALL. More often, it leads to NOTHING.
In practice this may look like the following scenario:
I am going out to eat at a restaurant. This is not what I am SUPPOSED to do (the ALL), so I guess I’m going to just do what I USED to do and order whatever I want and start over tomorrow. I’m going to get a frozen margarita and eat chips and queso, quesadillas, beans, and rice. If I can’t be ALL IN, then I want to be ALL OUT.
There is LITERALLY no grey area. I ate “off plan” yesterday, so I am going to do a 15-day fast to get back on the WAGON!! Darn it. I’m hungry. A couple of almonds should do. Dang it! I said I was going to fast for 15 days!!! Ugh! I’ll start back over tomorrow. I’ll fast for 16 days now.This may seem over the top when you see it this way. But BELIEVE me, it happens. How about instead of steering so far on either side, we find a MODERATE approach that is actually sustainable in the long run? Easier said than done.
Failing is unacceptable
This belief is at many of our cores and the decisions we make, whether consciously or unconsciously. What if we fail? What if we’re not good enough? What if, what if, what if?
You may have internalized that failing is bad. In reality, failing is just a part of life that everyone experiences. It is uncomfortable or downright painful, but it also signals that you are taking chances and, hopefully, learning.
Failing is informative. That thing didn’t WORK… Why didn’t it? What can I change? The problem is that we get so focused on labeling ourselves as a FAILURE that we stop trying altogether. You fail, so you set up camp and stay there. Over time, chances are you’ll keep repeating the SAME mistake over and over because you won’t just ALLOW yourself to move PAST it.
You can move at any time, but you don’t because you are just so disappointed in yourself that you did this completely awful thing that NOBODY ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH BUT YOU could possibly do. So you ruminate on it, bathe in it.
And tomorrow… TOMORROW I will start again and do it perfectly THIS time. I will NOT mess up.
So you start from scratch, get to the same hang-up, get it wrong, shame yourself, and start over again. Your confidence suffers more and more every time.
If you take the time to say, hey, this sucked. What went wrong? How can I do it better next time? maybe, just MAYBE you will LEARN from it and not continue to REPEAT it.
You are not a failure for making mistakes. Everyone does. It’s normal. It’s EXPECTED. But if you’re repeating the same mistakes over and over, then it’s time to take a look at your beliefs and the root causes there because chances are something isn’t clicking where it should.
Motivation = everything
This is a tough element, especially in the fitness/wellness community. Motivation this, motivation that. That’s a common misconception we need to reframe.
Motivation is a powerful fuel for STARTING toward a goal. However, consistency rarely comes from motivation. So what keeps happening is you LACK motivation, so it’s really hard to gear up and do the things you know you need to.
Bumps on the road tend to make the stakes so much higher each time around. The pressure builds up to perform PERFECTLY, even though you know you won’t measure up. It’s no wonder why you’d DREAD the thing rather than feel motivated.
It may also be that the thing doesn’t MEAN anything to you. You don’t see the VALUE in it… yet. Heck, you may not have FOUND the value yet. If this is the case, you have to work on that. Your WHY is a powerful motivator, way more powerful than any outside sources.
Humans are built to seek instant gratification. We are easily motivated to do what we enjoy and produce short-term results. You don’t NEED motivation to eat a bowl of ice cream. You can frame it as a reward, comfort, a treat… Eat the ice cream = feel good in the moment. It is much harder to eat nutrient-dense foods CONSISTENTLY ENOUGH to lose weight, and that doesn’t happen overnight.
To lose weight, you will have to do things that feel uncomfortable. When you are starting, you may not see the VALUE in eating whole foods because you MIGHT be someone who places great value on the excitement level of your food. It takes a mindset shift to go from finding excitement in foods that are “easy” to “love,” aka hyper-palatable, highly-processed foods, to valuing the nutrition and FUEL that whole foods provide.
Overwhelm
The final point is not quite a belief. But it still deeply impacts how we act and the choices we make regularly. What’s more, the previous points often build up to this.
Overwhelm – that sense of DREADING your to-do list because it doesn’t seem POSSIBLE that there’s enough time in your day to achieve this. Nothing is going to overwhelm you MORE than creating this MASSIVE list of ALL the things that you have to do perfectly and all the ways that you BETTER NOT MESS UP or else you will be a FAILURE and you will just have to start all over.
One of the most effective — if also harder — ways to release overwhelm is by ACCEPTING that others can help you. They may not fold the towels as perfectly as you do. They may not get the peaches you would have gotten if you’d gone shopping yourself. BUT you will have clean towels that are stored away, and you will have peaches to snack on.
Another common cause of overwhelm is leaving things for later, when we have more time, more headspace, more TO DO. Think about it. I won’t do this single dish now because I’m in a hurry; I’ll do it tonight. What happens when tonight comes? You have a sink full of dishes that’ll take 5x as long to do. PLUS, you will have spent the entire day thinking about the dishes.
Starting is often the hardest part
Starting IS often the hardest part of getting anywhere. At the start, you face with the DECISION, the uncertainty, the doubts and fears.
Once you are determined and have a plan, MOMENTUM (not motivation) will keep you moving forward. PROGRESS will fuel your journey. And a PLAN will keep you on the path.
At MYLF Coaching, we don’t just tell you what to do. We TEACH you how to make decisions and forge your own path to go from STUCK to ACCOMPLISHING what you set out to do. We go beyond the checklist and instead, help you fill up your toolkit with everything you need to achieve your definition of success.
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