I was recently discussing competitiveness with our MYLF-minded group, and I kind of reframed what that means to a lot of us. It’s not about trying to beat the person next to you. It’s about identifying something you want and knowing it won’t be an easy journey — yet accepting it because you’ve got it in you to do what is in your power to compete against every obstacle, every distraction, every excuse in your way to achieve this thing.
It’s removing the victim mentality from the equation because you’re competent to deal with the obstacles.
And I still love that for us. But even that version of competition still feels a little off to me. It’s still got this edge of trying to prove something, even if it’s only to yourself. It still feels very outward facing.
How about we reinterpret it through a new lens? One where we simply handle everything in front of us with EXCELLENCE? Not to FIGHT and win, impress anyone around us, or get a prize at the end. But because we care about being excellent at the things that matter to us.
A lot of what separates the GREATS from the rest is that they’ve honed in on EXCELLENCE, while the rest of us are out here either being COMPETITIVE or COMPLIANT.
The risk of competition and compliance
Competitors push HARD. They are more than willing to outwork everyone around them. They are DRIVEN because they refuse to let anyone but themselves come out on top. And I don’t DISLIKE it. I think we all need this somewhere in us because some of the things that we have to face in life that NEED us to come to battle.
The energy that comes with competition is not always bad; in fact, sometimes you NEED it. But it’s easy to misread and can feel like you’re in fight mode, which is hard to come down from.
You can absolutely win by being COMPETITIVE. But what happens when you reach the goal and don’t have a trophy to work for anymore? More often than not, the fire burns out.
On the flip side is compliance. You may see someone do all the right things, follow all the rules. These people check the boxes and stay in line; they do as they’re told because someone made a plan for them.
Compliance makes the path easy. But the second there’s no plan (the coaching program is over, there’s no more pats on the back), you’ll feel astray.
Competition and compliance are both external. They’re based on either how you stack up next to someone else or whether you’re earning some imaginary gold star.
The poise of excellence
Instead, excellence is calm, quiet and composed. You stay focused and poised because excellence comes from within.
Excellence is YOU deciding whom you want to become and building the skills to get there. It’s not about proving. You are building something in yourself that YOU can be PROUD of. It’s harder to build excellence. But once you tap INTO that energy source, it starts to ACTUALLY feel easier because you aren’t CHASING or PERFORMING anymore. You are BECOMING.
This is why my MYLF Coaching clients feel like our program is so life-changing. They dive into that mindset journey and BECOME the CEO of their life — and that is the most FREEING thing in the entire world.
If EXCELLENCE is the goal, what does that actually mean?
When excellence is the goal, it’s time to stop focusing on doing things perfectly, or doing them better than someone else—and instead, we start asking: How do I build the skill? How can I do this thing and do it WELL?
Many of us never become excellent at anything because we don’t understand that we’re not going to be excellent at something right away. That’s not a flaw. It’s how skill-building works.
But competitive people tend to struggle here. If they’re not winning immediately, they don’t want to keep playing. And compliant people are usually perfectionists. They don’t want to be seen doing something imperfectly. If there’s no gold star waiting, they lose steam. They want to be excellent IMMEDIATELY, and it doesn’t work like that.
Being overly competitive or overly compliant will hold you back because both are hyper-focused on outcomes, not process. And excellence is a process. It only happens when you decide to be great — and for it to suck for a while.
Excellence is not a personality trait but the result of stacking skill. Anyone can go on the journey of excellence toward anything.
The excellence trap
Most people think they’re building excellence when really, they’re just trying to get a result. And when the result doesn’t come fast enough, they quit because the goal wasn’t to get better. It was to receive validation.
Excellence doesn’t work like that. You build excellence by showing up with intention. You don’t need to be naturally gifted — just stay in it long enough to build the thing.
You can’t rush excellence — but you can create it
You don’t have to be excellent at everything. The point is to get honest about the things that matter to you and go all in on those.
Being excellent at something requires a lot of effort. But it also creates peace IN that effort. When you know what you’re working toward and why, you stop getting pulled in every direction. You’re not chasing, performing, or trying to WIN. You’re focused, determined, and content to be on the road to excellence.
Excellence is subjective
You are responsible for setting your own standards. Excellence isn’t about some universal definition of what’s ‘good enough’ but about striving toward the standard you set for yourself.
That means you get to decide what feels aligned, solid, excellent… it isn’t a race toward a finish line but the process of building over time.
Here’s where this gets even more important because a lot of us aren’t just trying to figure this out for ourselves. We’re trying to teach it to our kids.
HOW can I get my kids to be EXCELLENT?
That’s a whole other level of patience. I am STILL working on that one — I have a competitive one and I have a compliant one. I am working REALLY hard right now to guide them toward EXCELLENCE instead.
Kids want praise by nature. They want to be good at things. And when they’re not immediately good at something, you can see them shutdown. They get FRUSTRATED. They don’t want to push through that. And we get it because we’ve been there too.
So I’ve really been thinking lately: how do I help them understand what it means to pursue excellence instead of winning a trophy or approval?
And I keep coming back to the fact that we can’t just talk about it. We have to model it. We have to let them see us trying something new, being bad at it, and still showing up.
We have to stop only celebrating outcomes—and start celebrating effort, repetition, and progress. The SMALL and TINY wins along the way. This is how you build a growth mindset.
If all they ever hear is, ‘You’re so smart, you’re so talented, you’re such a natural’, they’ll spend their whole life chasing that identity instead of building real skill.
Excellence is teachable through action—not speeches. It starts with us figuring out excellence in ourselves before we can model it. At the end of the day, being EXCELLENT is about deciding who you want to be and building something intentionally.
I want you to challenge yourself this week: What’s one area where you want to be excellent? Not good, compliant, or competitive. Excellent.
If you’re ready to transform your mindset from competing or seeking external validation and rewards to driving change from within, schedule a consult now.
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