Story time! I recently had my 19th wedding anniversary. And I have to admit that I actually FORGOT. And it’s not the first time that I forgot, sorry to say. Honestly, it’s embarrassing. And it won’t happen again because my husband invited me to his calendar reminder, so that now we will BOTH be reminded every year.
It wasn’t even on my RADAR. I was SO THROWN when he said happy anniversary.
And I sort of went through this moment — should I feel GUILTY that I forgot this? I mean, probably. I definitely need to remember my anniversary. But I decided not to be too hard on myself because a DAY isn’t the marriage. What’s made our marriage strong is not how we CELEBRATED every year, but the roots we have spent building over the last 19 years.
And so true to MYLF fashion, I got into my head and started thinking about building things and what that requires. Our family likes to hike nearby on our off weekends and there are these HUGE live oak trees in the area. When I look at those trees, I’m not like MYSTIFIED on HOW they got that big. Like it’s not confusing or complicated. We know how. Those are some OLD trees. They have been around a LONG time. It’s not a COMPLICATED process; it’s just a long one.
When we think about success in ANYTHING — whether it’s in weight loss, health, marriage, raising children or growing a business —, there’s this belief that it’s complicated. If it’s not an immediate success, we think it’s not working and drive ourselves crazy over it.
We just STAY confused, trying out different tips, tricks, and shortcuts. But the truth? It’s not confusing. We’re just impatient. We want the result without the process. We want the big, beautiful tree without putting in the work of growing roots. You can’t skip that step. If you do, whatever you’re building will fall apart, and you’ll wonder why.
Being successful at something just isn’t that complicated. It’s just the work most people avoid. It’s boring, uncertain and requires a lot of commitment — for a lot longer than we expect — to get things sturdy and settled. And the world that we are living in isn’t exactly BUILT for that type of thing.
The problem with our world
This world isn’t designed for growing strong roots anymore. Everything around us is about instant gratification. Social media, ads, even the way we work — it all tells us to move fast, try something new, and keep switching things up. Changing methods when things feel challenging. Seeking something more exciting when things get boring.
We are CONSTANTLY “starting over.” Jumping from one program to another, one strategy to another, hoping this time it will work. THIS time it will happen faster. I won’t get bored. It will be successful. THIS THING OVER HERE will help me to be more consistent because it seems more interesting to me.
That’s just planting little seeds all over the place. And planting seeds is the easy part.
It’s sticking with that fragile, growing tree as it weathers the storms for the first several years that people avoid.
This is too hard, or WORSE, too boring. I’m going to go plant a different seed.
And what do you get? A yard full of baby trees…that you keep abandoning because it was taking too long to see the fruits of your labor.
Our world today makes it hard to grow because it distracts us. There’s always a different thing you can try over there. And when we’re stretched too thin, we can’t dig deep into anything. But notice that I said “it makes it hard,” not that it makes it impossible. It requires us to be built differently and to think differently.
The people who are succeeding at the things you want don’t THINK like most people. They understand what growth requires.
What growing roots looks like
Planting seeds can be fun and exciting. But at some point, the seeds are planted and the root system has to grow. It’s not glamorous. No one’s out here celebrating roots on Instagram. They’re invisible, underground, and honestly, boring.
In the beginning, everything feels exciting. You’re making fresh meals you love, working out consistently, and seeing constant progress which is motivating. But then, things slow down. That excitement fades, and suddenly it feels like nothing’s happening. You’re doing the work, but it’s boring, and results are slower than you want.
Suddenly, the cravings creep in. You’re skipping workouts because they don’t excite you anymore. Staying up a little too late, pushing off what you know you need to do. The negative thoughts start creeping in.
“Is this really worth it?”
And when you slow down on the root work, the growth slows too. That’s when we start to think, “This is taking too long… I can’t do this forever…”
And that’s exactly where the root work happens. This part is not glamorous because it’s all about watering, feeding and protecting something you can’t see yet. You’re nourishing the flimsy structure beneath the surface, the things no one celebrates. Because roots are invisible, and we like TANGIBLE. Roots are the boring, hidden part of the work. It’s the work that EVERYONE bails on, and without them, nothing lasts.
You want the big live oak without putting in the root work. We give up because we can’t SEE past the struggle to see the progress happening because we are looking at the wrong thing. We are looking for the finished product, not realizing that what really matters is putting in that groundwork, so that when the wind picks up, it doesn’t fall over.
Stop jumping around
Building the roots might feel slow. But trust me, those early habits and small decisions to show up for yourself are the work that matters. The meals, workouts, and sleep. The stress management. That’s where you’re building the foundation. Those are the roots. You’re doing the boring, necessary work. And when you stick with it, when those roots are deep, that’s when the real growth happens.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is getting bored with their tree. They stop nurturing it and start planting seeds all over the place. They think maybe that new thing will work better or be easier. Maybe the shiny thing over there will make caring for this tree easier. But if you keep starting over, you’ll never have anything but little baby trees. You have to pick your tree and commit to it. Go all in.
This means being consistent with the things that actually work — not the things you want to work, or the things that feel fun or new. The boring work of roots is what makes the final result possible.
A bit of a side note: Maybe one day you realize that you made a mistake and planted the seed in a terrible spot. If you can see that your tree will NEVER thrive where you planted it, move it quickly and get back to it. If you are seeing ZERO GROWTH, you might be in the wrong soil or the wrong environment. Being consistent doesn’t equal being stagnant
The danger of outside noise
There will always be people who try to convince you that you can’t grow a big, beautiful tree. That only a select few people are capable of it, and the rest of us should settle for little bushes or flowers.
Don’t believe them. It’s NOT freaking true.
Be careful who you take advice from. If you want to grow a live oak, don’t ask for advice from someone who only knows how to grow bushes. There is nothing wrong with bushes, but the advice you do get should align with what you actually want. This is where having the right support system matters. You need people who understand your specific goals and can guide you through the challenges OF THOSE GOALS.
You don’t want people who are constantly telling you that a live oak is out of your reach. It’s absolutely within your reach. You just need the right tools and mindset and support system in order to get there. We aren’t growing seasonal plants; instead, we are growing strong and sturdy live oaks. And the beginning part of this journey is SO IMPORTANT.
The phases of growth
In the beginning, your tree needs a lot of support. Anything you can do to keep your trunk upright. Those are your foundation, your habits, and even the people in your life who keep you accountable.
As the roots take hold, the tree becomes stronger. It doesn’t need as much outside support, but that doesn’t mean the work stops. It only shifts and evolves. You are never DONE. A big tree still needs care — pruning, watering, and nurturing. If you neglect it, you might not see the damage right away, but eventually, it will catch up to you. I can tell you this from experience.
On monitoring your progress
We had a HUGE live oak tree in our front yard that was dead for over a year. I didn’t even notice it was dead. I was busy, distracted, and just didn’t pay attention. But you know who noticed? The 20 or so arborists who left their business cards on my front porch.
The thing is, you may not be ready for someone to give you tips. I didn’t want to deal with my dead tree. I wanted to pretend it wasn’t a problem. And guess what? I lost half the tree. It’s so terrible, but now I DO know what to look for. It took losing a pretty tree to figure that out. But now I see the signs of trees dying. I don’t knock on people’s doors and tell them. It’s annoying for people to keep knocking on your door telling you that you need to do something about your tree when you aren’t ready or don’t have the time to deal with it.
The same happens with you and your coaches. A lot of times, we can see the signs of you heading back into the cycle before you can see it for yourself. We walk a fine line of letting you know that we are seeing patterns forming that will lead us backwards and letting you live your own life and making your own choices.
So this week, let’s reflect on our live oaks. Let’s assess where we are at in that process.
- What roots are you growing right now? Are you doing those things consistently enough for them to stick and become who you are and what you do?
- Are you sticking with them, or are you planting little seeds all over the place? Are you seeking excitement in the root work?
- Are you distracted by shiny new things, or are you committed to the boring work that leads to real growth?
I’m not against excitement. Try to find excitement in the life — the results — you are building. The strong person you are becoming. NOT in the foundational work. Let that be “boring.” Replace the word boring with foundational, life-giving, strength-giving… It’s only BORING if you THINK it’s boring.
You won’t find success in the excitement of a new beginning
You’ll find it in the quiet persistence of the middle. It’s easy to plant a seed; it’s much harder to keep watering it when you can’t yet see what’s happening beneath the surface. But remember, those invisible roots are what determine the height and strength of the tree. So, stop looking for the next shiny thing and start embracing the ‘boring’ work. Your future self—the one standing under the shade of a massive, sturdy live oak—will thank you for the foundation you are building today. If you’re ready to start, get in touch now. Let’s plant some seeds.
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