I hope you’ve got your coffee (or your water) and your thick skin today. We’re diving into something that might feel like a punch in the gut — it certainly did for me while I was writing my notes.
Let me start off by saying that I appreciate you. Today’s message is said in nothing but love — as a fellow human who also struggles with these things. I want the best for all of us, and I know we can’t be our best if we don’t check in with this concept occasionally. We’re MYLFS—we can handle it.
The “Magic Number”
I was with my daughter at a dance convention recently. At the very end, there was this girl — maybe 8 or 9 years old — who performed. And y’all, she was unbelievable—jaw-on-the-floor good.
On the way home, I asked London about her takeaways from the weekend. One of the first things she said was, “That girl was amazing! When I’m her age, I want to be that good.”
Now, I know a lot of parents would jump in with, “Sweetheart, you can be anything you want to be.” Believing in yourself is step one. I looked at her and said, “You can absolutely be that good one day.” I could have stopped there, but I didn’t.
I told her, “HOWEVER, you don’t just become that good one day. That kind of skill is built starting right now. She didn’t wake up like that. Turning 9 wasn’t some magic number where talent just showed up on her pillow.”
So I helped her break it down. I asked her, “What are some things you noticed about her that you can’t do right now?” She said, “Flexibility, gymnastics, turns.” I told her, “Okay, there’s your starting point. Good for you for being able to be honest and say, ‘hey mom, I’m not so great at this one thing because I am not working on it.’ That’s how we get BETTER, baby. Let’s work on flexibility first.”
Just like that, we had a plan—and a sense of empowerment. It wasn’t about talking ugly about the girl because she can do things we wish we could; it wasn’t about saying “oh well she goes to a better studio than me.” It was rooted in being HONEST with ourselves about something WE weren’t doing—and that we COULD be doing.
That girl could quit tomorrow. It wouldn’t make LONDON better. I could take her to every studio in the country; that won’t make her more flexible. It has to start with HER and being consistent with the boring things that work.
The lies that justify inaction
I realized that London had told herself a story I hear all the time from clients, friends, and even myself:
- “I’ll do that when I’m ready.”
- “When I’m that age, then I’ll be like that.”
- “When my life calms down.”
- “Starting Monday.”
No, you won’t—not if you’re thinking like that. You have to do it NOW. And you have to do it A LOT. Over and over. And the longer you fight that, the longer you won’t do it.
Major achievements don’t just happen one day. They’re built over time. One decision at a time and one step at a time. It’s participating and embracing the JOURNEY. Deciding to stretch instead of lounging on the couch. Showing up, even when you don’t feel like it. Practicing on your OWN, even when nobody is telling you to or watching you. Taking the small steps you don’t think anyone notices—and not caring if they do.
These stories justify our inaction, and we don’t even realize they’re not true. We are BOUGHT IN. If London is already telling herself, “When I’m 9, I’ll be that good,” what happens when she gets there and isn’t? Instead of saying, “I didn’t put in the work, but I can start now,” she’ll likely do what most of us do: create a new story to protect herself.
Stories like:
- “She’s just different from me.”
- “She has better genetics.”
- “I’m just not as [blank] as her.”
Or, she’ll work at it for 2 weeks and get frustrated that she doesn’t have the flexibility of someone who has been honing it for 7 years. Then she’ll quit because it feels like a lost cause.
The power of radical self-honesty
The BEST news? Once we recognize the stories, we don’t have to stay stuck. We can rewrite them—but it starts with radical self-honesty.
What does that mean? It’s looking at the facts—just the facts—without judgment or blame. Asking yourself, “What’s actually happening right now?” instead of getting lost in the story you’ve created.
For example, here’s one I see all over the internet right now: “I’m not losing weight because I’m so stressed, and my body is releasing cortisol.” Let’s break this down:
- Is it true that you’re stressed? Yes.
- Is it true that stress increases cortisol? Yes.
- But is cortisol really why you’re not losing weight?
When you dig deeper, you might see that stress leads to snacking—bites here and there you don’t think add up. But if we stop there and tell ourselves, “It’s the cortisol,” we have taken ourselves out of a calorie deficit. Your body isn’t some anomaly. Even under high cortisol levels, if you’re truly in a calorie deficit, you’ll lose weight. If you were on a deserted island—which would definitely be stressful—would you gain weight because of cortisol? No.
I know it HURTS to come face to face with these untruths. If someone else points it out, it feels like fighting words. I’ve been there, and sometimes I’m still there.
Turning the lights on in a messy room
We love these stories because they let us avoid the hard work of looking at the facts. It’s not fun to admit we’re the reason we’re stuck. But honesty is the ONLY soil that allows growth. TRUTH is the ONLY fertile ground.
It’s like turning the lights on in a messy room. At first, you cringe. “Look at this MESS. WHO DID THIS?! Why do I have to clean it up? This isn’t fair.” But once you can actually see the mess and accept that it’s yours to clean up, you can just start putting things where they go. No emotion—just efficient cleaning.
Here’s what won’t clean the room:
- Sitting down and lamenting, “How could I let this happen?”
- Blaming your busy schedule.
- Calling a friend who ALSO has a messy room to say, “It’s fine to have a messy room—we’re just messy room gals!” and building camaraderie over the mess instead of encouraging each other to clean it up.
- Hiring someone to clean it, only to trash it again because you didn’t do the work yourself.
None of that solves the problem. Those things protect your ego, but the room stays messy—and so does your frustration, because at the end of the day, nobody WANTS to live in a messy room.
To clean it, you have to stop seeing honesty as a punishment and start seeing it as an opportunity to create a different situation for yourself. You are not perfect—but no one is. When you can admit that without judging yourself, it’s freeing. It takes you out of victim mode and into reality, where you can make real progress.
The 10 most common stories we tell ourselves (and how to rewrite them)
To help you get started, I’ve compiled a list of the 10 biggest stories I hear. See if you recognize yourself in any of these:
Story #1: “If it’s not logged, it doesn’t count.”
The Lie: The food log isn’t reality if it doesn’t reflect reality. Those untracked bites—especially of calorie-dense foods—add up fast and can push you out of your deficit. You lie to yourself and your coach, staying frustrated because you think you’re in a deficit when you’re actually eating at maintenance.
The Radical Truth: “Every bite counts, even if it’s not logged. When I track everything honestly, I give myself the chance to learn, adjust, and succeed.”
Story #2: “I’ll fix it tomorrow.”
The Lie: Procrastinating your progress turns into a cycle of inconsistency that wastes time. Success happens in today’s actions, not tomorrow’s plans.
The Radical Truth: “Every day is a chance to fix it now. Small actions today build the success I’ll see tomorrow.”
Story #3: “I’m doing everything right—it’s just not working.”
The Lie: If you’re not losing weight, you’re not in a deficit. There’s likely a gap—untracked calories, portion estimation, or weekends loosening up—that needs addressing.
The Radical Truth: “If it’s not working, something needs adjusting. I’ll focus on finding what I can do differently to see results.”
Story #4: “I’m eating healthy, so I should be losing weight.”
The Lie: Eating healthy is great for health, but it doesn’t guarantee a calorie deficit. Healthy foods can still be calorie-dense.
The Radical Truth: “Eating healthy is important, but eating in a deficit is what gets me to my weight loss goals.”
Story #5: “It’s just a bad day—it doesn’t matter.”
The Lie: One bad day doesn’t ruin progress, but dismissing it allows it to spiral into bad weeks.
The Radical Truth: “One bad day is just a small bump. I can recover and make my next choices better.”
Story #6: “My body is different—calorie deficits don’t work for me.”
The Lie: Calorie deficits follow the laws of physics and work for everyone. What’s likely happening is underestimating intake or overestimating activity.
The Radical Truth: “My body isn’t broken. A calorie deficit works for me when I’m consistent and accurate.”
Story #7: “I’m not losing weight because I’m older/hormones.”
The Lie: While age and hormones play a role, they don’t make weight loss impossible; they just require more precision and consistency.
The Radical Truth: “My age or hormones may make it slower, but weight loss is still achievable with the right habits.”
Story #8: “My schedule is too busy.”
The Lie: Success comes from prioritizing your goals within your current reality, not waiting for perfect conditions.
The Radical Truth: “My schedule may be busy, but I can find ways to prioritize my health and make small steps daily.”
Story #9: “This worked for others, but my situation is different.”
The Lie: The principles of weight loss—calorie deficits, consistency, and accountability—apply universally.
The Radical Truth: “My situation may be unique, but the principles of weight loss still work for me when I stick to them.”
Story #10: “I’ve tried everything, and nothing works for me.”
The Lie: Saying you’ve tried everything usually means trying things inconsistently or not long enough to see results.
The Radical Truth: “I may have tried different things, but I haven’t been consistent enough to see what truly works for me.”
The voice of honesty
Radical self-honesty is one of the most powerful tools you have. Think about the voices in the movie Inside Out—Joy, Sadness, Fear, and the others. We all have those voices. But there’s one voice we often ignore—the voice of honesty.
Honesty is the voice that steps in and says, “Hey, let’s look at this clearly.” It’s not the loudest voice, but it helps us cut through the stories the other voices are screaming at us. The goal isn’t to silence those voices—it’s to amplify the voice of honesty. Honesty’s best friend is REASON; its biggest headache is JUDGMENT.
This week, try to notice these stories. See if you can pinpoint them yourself. Message me and tell me any “aha” moments you had. Let’s stop hiding behind stories and find the clarity we need to live a better life.
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