We spend so much of our lives trying to control, fix, or outrun discomfort—believing that if we just push harder or plan better, things will finally fall into place. But what if the real shift begins not with resistance, but with acceptance? Not passive surrender, but a clear-eyed embrace of what is. In this reflection, we’ll explore how acceptance—far from being weakness—is the foundation for emotional strength, clarity, and transformation.
Acceptance is opening your heart to life’s realities and how you have been impacted by your choices or even to things that were not your choices. Basically, it means you don’t fight against the realities of your life but accept them for what they are and use them to grow as a person and move forward in life. It’s a significant part of becoming a better person emotionally and spiritually.
Most of our troubles stem from our inability to accept life as it is, ourselves as we are, others as they are, or even things for what they are (like sugar/highly processed food). Our happiness will truly come from accepting things as they are and choosing how we respond.
We cannot control other people or nature; we can only control our response to those things. Sure, we can respond by becoming victims of our circumstances, but where does that get us? One of the things that you will hear me say the most is that you are not a victim. You are a problem solver. Nobody has a perfect life. Nobody has everything go the way they want all the time. When things don’t go your way, who will you be? How are you going to respond? What action step are you going to take next?
I’m not telling you, “Oh, well, just accept your circumstances and learn to be okay with them.” the point is that if you want to improve your circumstances, you have to accept where you really are, not where you wish you were. You have to assess and then take the next step.
Playing the game of Tetris
Life doesn’t always hand us the perfect piece—and how we respond matters more than what we’re given. Let’s look at acceptance through a familiar lens: Tetris.
The point of tetris is to wait and see what shape appears next. Then, you work to position it in the best way possible so that you can continue playing the game. This is the game of life.
Imagine you’re watching someone play Tetris, and whenever they get a shape that doesn’t fit perfectly, they start yelling at the screen. They’re so wrapped up in how “put out” they are by the “wrong shape” that they miss all other incoming shapes. Things pile up quickly. Or what if they were so irritated that they got the wrong piece, they just pressed the down arrow and quickly ended the game? Or just started the game over “from a clean slate”? Isn’t this what we do in life? In weight loss?
Acceptance is like playing Tetris and not resisting the shapes as they appear. Life is the same: being open to our actual feelings in the moment-to-moment experience and willing to feel them (whatever they are): anger, happiness, fear, jealousy, hunger, anxiety, or joy.
We have to learn to simply be in those feelings without trying to manipulate our inner state through food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, etc.
When we are reactive (like the person throwing tantrums over Tetris), we reduce our ability to accept and then respond.
Difference between reacting and responding
Reacting is immediate, impulsive, and often driven by emotion—it’s what happens when we resist reality and let frustration take the wheel. Responding, on the other hand, is intentional. It begins with acceptance: acknowledging what’s happening without judgment, and choosing your next move with clarity. That’s the difference—reaction traps you in the moment; response sets you free.
How do we stop reacting? We start learning to accept how things are in the present moment, accepting whatever life throws at us. That’s how you earn your freedom. When you stay fixated on the “shape that you didn’t want in Tetris”, in other words, when you react, you lose your freedom to respond. It’s seriously so simple, yet so challenging to see this.
Acceptance vs. Resignation
Acceptance allows you to react wisely. Acceptance is not the actual behavior; it comes before the behavior. This is where —I think— people get confused with this concept. They confuse acceptance and resignation. Remember: acceptance is not an action; it happens before the action. “Ok, this is my new Tetris piece, now what do I do with it?” Resignation is an action, a reaction. “That’s not the piece I wanted, so I will yell, complain, or quit the game.”
You don’t want to go through life constantly “yelling at the game” and complaining about whether or not it’s fair; you want to accept it for what it is, giving you the freedom to respond.
Example: Let’s look at someone in an abusive relationship.
-Resignation may read, “This is just how my life is. I will never find anyone better. I don’t have enough money to make this on my own. I’m just going to live with this.”
-Acceptance may look like: OK, this is the situation I am in now. What will I do with it? What resources can I look into to help me take my next step out of this situation?
The Role of acceptance
Now, let’s bring this over to talk about the role of acceptance in weight loss:
- Weight loss is not linear.
- The scale does not always reflect our actual progress.
- Dieting doesn’t work.
- Dieting is temporary.
Changing your lifestyle (including those in that life) must happen. This means working on what is available in your environment:
- There will be times when you feel hungry, even when you are fed. Hunger is a feeling. Accept it and move on.
- You will need to change how you do things, but it doesn’t have to be a massive overhaul.
- Drawing boundaries will be necessary.
- Acceptance can also mean forgiving yourself for the past diets that you have “failed”, stopping agonizing over the mistakes you made, the money you spent, and the weight you gained back, and accepting yourself for not being in the kind of shape or health that you “should” be. You are already wonderful, so stop terrorizing yourself and learn to love and honor yourself.
Losing weight is like playing Tetris
If you want to win, you have to accept everything and be able to respond. You have to stay clear-minded, take things as they come, do the best you can, and problem-solve. You can even get excellent, where you can look off to the side and see the next piece coming, so you already have a space planned for it.
Binge eating is like pressing the down arrow to end the game because you don’t like what you have gotten in life.
Starting the game over is like saying, “I’m going to start again on Monday.”
If you keep throwing in the towel every time things aren’t going how you want, you will never develop the skills you need to win the game.
Acceptance isn’t about giving up—it’s about showing up. When we stop resisting life’s imperfect pieces and start working with what’s in front of us, we reclaim our power to respond, grow, and move forward. Whether in weight loss, relationships, or everyday challenges, acceptance is the quiet strength that helps us play the game with clarity, compassion, and resilience.
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