Change can be hard. I’m not telling you anything new. At some point, we’ve all been forced to deal with a sudden change we didn’t WANT OR ask for.
Life was going great, and then suddenly, things changed. In a split second, a chapter in your life, one you were REALLY ENJOYING, ended — and not with the ending you were expecting. And you weren’t really ready for it, but the choice wasn’t yours to make. Life didn’t ask for your permission first. And it certainly didn’t give you the option to return to the way things were. You were just left with the reality that this chapter was now over and you have to find a way forward. But when you look ahead, the pages look blank. You can’t even picture what’s next because you weren’t ready for the last chapter to end. And it didn’t end the way you PLANNED for it to.
No one asks for this type of out-of-the-blue change. But every one of us has survived something similar. Or if you haven’t faced it yet, you most likely will at some point. And you too will survive it.
We are made to overcome difficult things. We were built to endure that initial impact — the shock, the pain, the uncertainty. This is the part that FEELS unbearable. We don’t think we will ever make it through and feel joy again. But as time passes, we get stronger. We adapt and learn how to carry the weight. Little by little, we figure out how to live again, even in the midst of what we thought would break us.
Then we emerge on the other side as a stronger, more resilient version of ourselves. The challenges that once seemed impossible to live with, become part of our story. They shaped us and molded us in ways that we never expected. We learned that while we couldn’t control what happened, we can control how we respond and recover. We found our power.
You know the phrase, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have? Nobody WANTED this change. We would have never ASKED or put ourselves through that change. Yet, here we are — a stronger version of ourselves. There are things in our lives now that wouldn’t have been there had we not been forced into this new chapter.
But what about the changes that aren’t FORCED upon us? The ones we know we need to make, yet we hesitate to make them, because even if life isn’t that great the way things are right now, and we know that a change would improve our situation, we just aren’t going to CHOOSE the hard road ahead.
THIS place is miserable, but at least it’s FAMILIAR to us.
So what we try to do is make changes to the chapter that we are currently on. We’re trying to keep a chapter open when it’s really time to turn the page. Write a new story while clinging to the old one. We’re preventing our character from evolving.
Today, I want to dive deep into what change REALLY is.
We think of the word CHANGE as a CANCELLATION. This thing is OVER. But I want you to start viewing it as an INVITATION. An opportunity for growth, even though it can be difficult to see IN the moment.
We are going to explore how to recognize when change is needed, and most importantly, how to fully commit to that change so it sticks.
What IS Change?
First, we need to UNDERSTAND Change. At its core, change is simply a SHIFT. You are moving from one state to another. It’s the process of becoming different. But I really prefer to say this:
CHANGE is the process of TRANSFORMING.
You cannot GROW and you cannot EVOLVE without SOMETHING changing. Something has to STOP, so that you can move in a different trajectory.
Even when change is UNWANTED, when we get some distance from it, we all would agree that even though we may not have chosen that route, we came out stronger than we went in.
So if we KNOW in our HEARTS that change is good for us and it leads to GROWTH, why do so many of us resist it SO HARD?
Why do we RESIST change?
It’s because our brains are wired for survival, and historically, survival meant sticking to what we know. Familiarity meant safety. This is why we often experience fear or anxiety when faced with change. Our survival instincts are kicking in. UNDERSTANDING what our brain is doing is the first step in overcoming this resistance.
Resistance to change is completely natural. Nothing is wrong with you because you are weary of change; it’s something we all feel when we recognize that something is different. But here’s the thing: just because we feel resistance doesn’t mean we have to avoid the change. We can acknowledge that feeling without letting it hold us back.
The key is learning to lean into it, to take tiny steps toward it. The hardest part of change isn’t the change itself — it’s how we think about it. We see it as this massive, sudden shift that needs to happen all at once. But in reality, it’s about taking one small step after another. Change doesn’t happen in a single leap. We build it moment by moment, step by step.
Even when life hands you those difficult, unexpected changes, your life doesn’t actually change in that single moment. What shifts is your awareness—the knowledge that your future will now look different. It’s that realization that makes it feel like things changed overnight. But when you stop and look around, everything in your immediate environment is still pretty much the same. The world is still revolving just as it was right before you got the news. There may have been a traumatic event that led to the final outcome, like a car wreck, an emergency surgery, or an argument. But when that is over, the world around you LOOKS the same, but you know that moving forward it will never FEEL the same.
Sometimes horrible things happen and don’t get a say. Other times, we have to choose to MAKE the change ourselves. But in BOTH situations, it all hinges on one realization — things are different now. The only difference is that when we CHOOSE change, we often allow ourselves the option to turn back. That’s where we don’t make progress: because we keep looking back instead of committing fully to moving forward. If we want to move FORWARD, then BACKWARDS need to be off the table.
How can I STOP RESISTING?
First, you need to understand that change is inevitable, and refusing to adapt doesn’t mean things will stay the same. It just means they’ll change in ways you may not want. Life keeps moving forward whether we’re ready or not.
Let’s say that you KNOW that your eating habits should change, but you don’t do it. That doesn’t mean that things don’t change. YOU might refuse to change YOUR actions, but your body and health status will continue to change in a negative direction. So just because YOU aren’t the one implementing the change, doesn’t mean things aren’t changing and that there won’t be consequences.
You can either choose to change those things NOW or you will have to change those things LATER when life FORCES you to and your circumstances are much harder.
Instead of letting change happen to you, why not just take an active role in it?
When you embrace change, you give yourself the power to guide it in a direction that serves you, rather than being caught off guard by changes you never wanted or you avoided or fought off as long as possible.
This desire to FIGHT change often comes from the belief that things SHOULD stay the way they are. I like this, therefore I should have it….I deserve to keep it forever. In fact, a lot of us avoid change because our identity is wrapped up in things outside of ourselves—our jobs, our relationships, our THINGS, the foods we LIKE, our routines. We get so busy identifying with these external markers that we forget who we are at our core and what we’re actually capable of. It’s easier to cling to those external labels because they feel familiar, even if they’re not serving us anymore. You are FAR MORE than the temporary things that you attach yourself to.
Nothing in life is guaranteed to stay the same. We are all navigating through a world where things naturally come and go. It’s not easy to let go of what feels comfortable, but your ability to navigate change is built in who you are — it’s just buried in the distractions of what you THINK defines you. When you strip away those external attachments, what’s left is your resilience, your resourcefulness, and your ability to adapt.
The key is learning to embrace the things and experiences that come your way, but also knowing when to let them go when their time is up. You’re not owed certainty, stability, or permanence. So the real flex is knowing that when the things around us change, we have the ability to adapt, evolve, and thrive — even as things come and go.
So let’s do it….let’s change.
Well, I have tried that before Jenny. It didn’t work.
Well, that’s because you gave yourself an out. And we are going to stop doing that. We need to FULLY commit to change. And also, be OPEN to how that change unfolds.
The first step is making a firm decision that you are now writing a new chapter. You are TURNING THE PAGE. That last chapter is complete. We do not need to re-read or edit it anymore. Some things may come with you and your main character into the next chapter, but some things will need to stay behind. Maybe they helped get you HERE, but now it’s time to continue the story and let our character evolve.
There is power in a firm decision. When you decide to change, you stop tip-toeing around it. You draw a line in the sand and say, “this is the moment that it all shifts.” It’s not a hope or a wish. It’s a full-on commitment. And once you’ve decided, don’t give yourself the option to go backward. If it remains an option, you won’t force yourself to push through those initial uncomfortable phases that end up getting EASIER. You will feel like you want to back to what is familiar and comfortable when things feel hard.
Do not let the old chapter be your safety net. Learn to get through the hard.
This is where most people would tell you to create a VIVID vision of where you are trying to go, so that when things get hard, you can look at it and remember why you are going through the hard thing. And to be clear, I’m not totally against that, because I think it CAN be motivating. HOWEVER, I think you need to be careful here. I think sometimes this creates impatience for people, because they are working toward that thing, which usually takes a lot longer than you imagine, because again, this is NEW TERRITORY. And we really CAN’T imagine what our final outcome will be. We have never actually been there before. I think you need to have an IDEA of the way you want this to turn out, but then I think you spend the MAJORITY of your energy on the journey itself.
When you were going through that hard thing that LIFE forced you into, you didn’t survive it by focusing how you were going to feel once you were on the other side. You focused on winning each little battle along the way. Then one day, you looked up and you were doing better. I really and truly think that you build change by focusing MORE on the journey itself. This way you can be open to the ending changing when you see things differently. You aren’t so stuck on the end goal that you don’t follow your instincts to navigate the story in a different direction…one that you couldn’t see when you first started the chapter.
You want to make the full commitment to change. Get your vision of what the next chapter looks like, and then you create your plan to get there. Big changes don’t happen overnight — they happen one step at a time. And those steps? They must be clear and intentional. There has to be a plan for progress, and you have to take consistent action.
Think of it like a writer working on a book. When they’re focused on that story, it gets all their time and attention. You can’t commit to change and then push it to the back burner. This has to be your priority. Whatever you’re working on, it has to take precedence if you truly want to see it through.
Implementing Change Successfully
Let’s talk about how to actually make actual commitment happen. First, you have to break down big changes into manageable steps. I’m talking about taking that huge goal and chopping it up into something you can actually tackle. And how about we BEGIN with the thing that is actually keeping you stuck?
A lot of people are willing to add things into their life — ok, I’m going to add in more water, more veggies, more protein, more sleep, more movement — and that’s great, OF COURSE. But here’s the problem: so few are willing to remove the thing that’s actually keeping them stuck. And this is where you have to start. You can’t just pile on new habits while ignoring what’s holding you back. You’ve got to be honest about what needs to go, whether it’s a habit, a mindset, or something in your environment.
I want you to imagine you’re writing a story about yourself. You’re the lead character. You’ve just finished reading the chapter where, every time this character interacted with something, they got hurt. They kept doing the same thing over and over, and every time, the result was more pain. As the reader, you know what needs to happen next. The character has to stop going back to this thing.
So, how would you write the next chapter? Would you keep having them repeat the same behavior and just throw in new distractions? You would evolve the character. You’d get them away from the antagonist, the thing that’s causing all the pain, so they can start to thrive and grow. If you keep reintroducing the same pattern, you’re just stuck in the last chapter all over again. So while I think adding in healthy habits to your life is a WONDERFUL THING, I firmly believe that MOST of those things can come in later, AFTER we deal with this major player.
Everyone always says, don’t change too much at once or you will get overwhelmed. I agree, but I believe that you have to change the NEXT RIGHT THING. For many of us, that means that we are REMOVING a bad habit from our life.
The way to stop a bad habit is to stop letting your brain fire off that connection. You have to stop doing it. The first time you say no is the hardest. Each time after that gets easier. It is science, but you have to do this consistently over time, then before long you are in the HABIT of NOT doing it.
Rewiring your brain doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s where most people give up.
Showing up, even when it feels slow, is where transformation happens. Every day is a small SHIFT in your character’s life.
And here’s the hardest part: consistency and patience. I know it’s frustrating not to see results right away, but real change takes time. So instead of counting down the pages until you finish the book (like my son does, because he can’t wait to finish), try diving into every page, every step, being present in your amazing life.
Change is never easy, but it’s always an opportunity to grow
Whether life forces change upon you or you choose it for yourself, the key is to stop resisting and fully commit to moving forward. So, take a moment to reflect: What’s one area of your life where you’ve been holding onto the past instead of embracing the future? What’s one small step you can take today to turn the page and start writing your next chapter?
If you’re ready to stop resisting change and start creating the life you want, MYLF Coaching is here to help. We designed The Reset to guide you through the process of transformation, helping you build the habits and mindset needed to thrive.
Click here to learn more about MYLF Coaching and start your journey today.
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