I do a lot of thinking about grief. Not just because I have traveled that road more times than I would like, but because I think more people are stuck on that road without even realizing it.
People spend their lives wishing the road they are on were different, or believing it should not have bumps at all. They focus so much on how unfair or inconvenient the bumps are that they never accept them as part of the journey. They fail to keep moving forward, learning how to navigate the bumps and live a wonderful life despite them.
The root of so many people’s struggles is their unwillingness to accept reality, or not even realizing that acceptance is the key to ending their suffering. Instead of saying, “Okay, look at this bumpy road… how can I strengthen myself so I can better navigate it? How can I find a different footpath to avoid some of these bumps?“, we complain about the road we were given. We find others to agree with us on how unfair and horrible It’s. Meanwhile, we could simply say, “Look, this road is bumpy; I guess I should adjust my strategy.” Instead, we spend our entire existence upset about the bumps.
So, obviously, I talk a lot about acceptance. This is the key if you want to truly grow and continue navigating life when it just IS.
Everyone wants to change, but most are unwilling to GROW. Change is just a behavior. You can change all the time without ever growing. You can change your schedule, your job, your diet… and still be the exact same person on the inside.
Growth is different. It’s a mindset: maturity and wisdom. Growth means seeing life differently because you have wrestled with it and learned from it. You have changed the way you see and interpret things.
And a lot of people have incredible wisdom in so many areas of life… except when it comes to food. Not because they are careless or don’t want to be healthy. But because food is loaded with comfort, celebration, connection, and identity. Letting go of certain foods or habits isn’t just about changing what you eat. It feels like giving up a piece of your life.
That is where grief comes in. When something is tied to who you are and how you have lived, you can’t just swap it out without going through the process of letting it go. You have to untangle yourself from it — the routines, the memories, and the identity you built around it. That untangling isn’t instant. It’s not just about changing an action but reshaping the way you see yourself without that thing.
That’s why the final stage of grief is acceptance. And the first step of growth is also acceptance. To grow means you’ve grieved. You’ve done the work of letting go of old beliefs, habits, and identities so you can move forward.
It’s no coincidence we call it a weight loss journey. Grief is also a journey. Today, I want you to understand just how much those two journeys overlap. Grief isn’t separate from your health process: it’s part of it.
What Is Grief?
Grief is your mind and body adjusting to a new reality. It’s the space between what was and what is now.
Emotions are absolutely part of the grief process. Sadness, anger, frustration, and even relief sometimes. They are entangled with it, but they are not the problem. The problem is when those emotions linger and keep coming back.
Persistent emotions are a red flag that it’s time to look deeper. What story is feeding them? Usually, It’s the story that things should be different than they are.
That is where grief comes in. Grief is the process of untangling yourself from that story. It’s the process of reworking your belief system so you can accept something that is true, even if you do not like it.
Here is a simple example: You touch a hot stove, burn your hand, and feel pain. That is the emotion. Maybe you even get a flash of anger: “Why was I the one cooking?” You might blame someone else: “Someone else should have been watching that pot!”
Pretty quickly, though, you accept reality: hot stoves burn skin. Every time. You stop blaming, stop bargaining, and make a note to yourself: “I need to be more careful, maybe wear an oven mitt.” You have integrated that fact into your worldview. We don’t walk around feeling victimized that we cannot touch hot stoves, because that truth is easy to accept.
In a weight loss journey, however, the “stoves” are things we have been deeply attached to, like our favorite comfort foods, old routines, ways of celebrating, and even our idea of what makes life enjoyable. Those aren’t as easy to let go of. That is where the grief process kicks in, and why it can take time to reach acceptance.
The five stages in a weight loss journey
The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You won’t necessarily move through them in order; you might loop back or get stuck in one.
- Denial: Pretending like old habits were not the problem, or even idolizing them. Saying things like, “it’s just not the right Monday yet,” “I’m just too busy right now,” or blaming your body. Anything to avoid saying, “These habits were hurting me.”
- Anger: Frustration at the process or being mad at someone else. You might blame your parents for the relationship they gave you with food, or resent people who seem to have it easier.
- Bargaining: Trying to make a deal with reality. “If I can just lose the weight, I can go back to eating the way I used to,” or, “I’ll just do this for a few weeks, and then I’ll have my old life back.”
- Depression: When the FOMO sinks in. “I can’t have those wonderful foods for the rest of my life, so what’s the point?” That heaviness can lead you right back into denial, where you convince yourself healthy people are the problem: “They’re crazy for caring this much about food.”
- Acceptance: This is where most people never get, because they never name the grief. Acceptance sounds like: “This is my life. Maybe I wasn’t taught nutrition. Maybe my parents really did struggle with their own relationship to food. That was their journey, and it’s not mine to fix. I can take responsibility for mine.”
Why most people stay stuck
Most people never grieve their old habits. They stay in denial, bargaining, or anger.
Some might know in their head that certain foods or routines hurt them, but emotionally, they still romanticize them. They still think the problem is timing, being too busy, or that their body is broken.
At some point, you have to stop touching the stove and accept that the burn isn’t random. Food companies may crank out millions of tons of processed food every year. It’s still your job to decide what goes into your body. If you don’t know how to pull it off, you can learn new skills.
If you think, “How will I ever be happy again without those foods?“, that is a sign to re-examine your belief system about what happiness actually is. You can learn the skill of gratitude and train yourself to feel like you have enough right now, instead of living in a constant state of “what’s next?”
How long does it take to grieve?
People ask me, “How long does it take to grieve something?” There is no exact answer. The more you love something, or the more it’s tied to your identity, the longer it takes. Some things are simply harder to let go of than others.
However, you can move on. You can find happiness again, and you can make peace with your actual life now. That peace does not mean you forget what you lost. But it does mean you stop letting it hold you back from what comes next.
Things you can’t get back vs. things you must choose not to return to
Some things in life leave you no choice but to grieve. You cannot get them back no matter how hard you try — a person, a season of life, or a chapter that has closed for good. The only option is to learn how to live differently without them.
Other things, like old habits, can feel harder to let go of because, technically, you could go back. That option is always there. But if you want to move forward, you have to be the one who ensures going back is not an option.
Here is the good news: you can decondition your desire for those habits. Just like you stop wanting to touch a hot stove because you know it burns, you can stop wanting the things that keep burning your health. You just have to stick with it long enough for that desire to fade.
Moving toward acceptance
How do you start moving through grief instead of looping in it?
- Name it: Say exactly what you’re grieving, even if it’s just Friday night pizza and wine.
- Feel it: Let yourself be frustrated and miss it without running back to it.
- Find outlets: Talk to someone, write it out, or move your body. Process it instead of distracting yourself.
- Separate acceptance from approval: You can accept a reality without loving it, but acceptance is what allows you to build a new normal that works for you.
Grief isn’t about weakness. It’s about adjusting to reality.
If you are trying to change your health, there is going to be something to grieve. If you can recognize it, you can move through it. And once you move through it, you can reach acceptance, which is the only place real change sticks.
So this week, ask yourself: what old habits or beliefs do I need to grieve so I can actually move forward?
Ready to take the next step?
Navigating the emotional side of health and habit change isn’t something you have to do alone. If you’re ready to break free from old patterns, process the transition, and build a healthy lifestyle rooted in lasting acceptance, explore our coaching options and support at MYLF Coaching Services.
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